The best Chuck Norris jokes

Chuck Norris doesn’t shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris can ski up a mountain.
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Chuck Norris wears white to a funeral, no one asks why.
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Chuck Norris can do a downward uppercut.
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Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
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Chuck Norris brings the noise AND the funk.
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Chuck Norris only needs one bullet, because it should know to get back in the chamber.
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In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
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Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.
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When observing a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick in slow motion one finds that Chuck Norris actually rapes his victim in the ass, smokes a cigarette with Dennis Leary, and then roundhouse kicks them in the face.
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