Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesn’t get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.
Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.
Chuck Norris... Chuck Norris... Chuck Norris... Okay, I've finished my morning prayers.
Jesus is the son of God. God is the son of Chuck Norris.
God wanted 10 days to build the world, Chuck Norris gave him 6.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse actually live in Chuck Norris's nutsack.
When Chuck Norris opens a bag of Doritos, it's fucking full!