Q: What do you call a very small valentine?
A: A valen-tiny!
Vote:
Two blondes were talking together:
First: "How about your engaged Jim? Is he keeping well?"
Second: "He isn't just now my engaged."
First: Hi good news. His nose was too big and his head was bald with an ugly face!"
Second: "He is now my husband!"
Vote:
I was drinking my coffee in a coffeehouse when a beautiful girl came near my table and asked me:
"Are you alone?"
So I responded: "It's a long time that I'm alone."
"So do you mind me to take this chair?" said the girl.
I fainted...
Vote:
Yo mama is so stupid when you asked her to grab McDonald's she brings the building home.
Vote:
A guy asks a Chinese lady for her phone number she says, "Free, sex, free, sex, tonight."
The guy said," wow" and her friend says she means 363629.
I love the lines the men use to get us into bed: "Please, I'll only put it in for a minute."
What am I...? A microwave?
Vote:
A 10-point buck walked into a lodge restaurant and ordered a burger and fries.
After the deer finished and was paying, the cashier said, "We don't see too many deer around here."
"At these prices," replied the buck, "I'm not surprised."
Vote:
When asked for his name by the coffee shop clerk, my brother-in-law answered, "Marc, with a C."
Minutes later, he was handed his coffee with his name written on the side: Cark.
Vote:
Two dyslectic fellas sat in the kitchen...
Fella 1: "Ere, can you smell gas?"
Fella 2: "Who me? No... I can't even smell my own name!"
Vote:
Husband says: "When I'm gone you'll never find another man like me".
Wife replied: "What makes you think I'd want another man like you!"