Don't get upset if I ask you where something is in Target when you choose to wear a red shirt and khakis to shop.
Scene: A radio newsroom. Caller: "I just wanted to let you know you're off the air." Host: "Yes, we know. The engineers are working on it." Caller: "It would be nice if you put something on the air that says that."
Harry's wife says, "Harry, do these jeans make my ass look like the side of the house?" He says, "No, our house isn't blue."
During a conversation regarding new potential Johny's job: "Johny, tell us and what is your weak feature?" Johny: "Openness!" Interviewer: "But the openness isn't a weak feature!" Johny: "Ok, but I fuck what you think!"
Husband: "Shall we try a different position tonight?" Wife: "That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart."
A Sailor sent an e-mail to his wife, informing her that his ship would be returning from deployment a day early. Arriving home, he found his wife with another man. Upset, he stormed off and got a room at the Navy Lodge to decide what to do next. His thoughts were interrupted by a call from his mother-in-law. "Bill" she said, "I checked with my daughter and, as I expected, there is a perfectly good explanation for this whole episode." "This I've got to hear," the Sailor said. "It was an honest mistake," the mother-in -law said. " She never got your e-mail!"
Q: How do you make holy water? A: You boil the hell out of it.
Q: What's the nickname for someone who put their right hand in the mouth of a T-Rex? A: Lefty.
Yo mama so old, I told her to act her own age and she died.
A guy asks a Chinese lady for her phone number she says, "Free, sex, free, sex, tonight." The guy said," wow" and her friend says she means 363629.