The best communication jokes

"I'm sorry for throwing red wine over all your dresses in the wardrobe last night," I told my girlfriend. "I've spent all day getting the stains out just to show how much you mean to me." "Oh, that's really nice," she said. "What did you use to remove the stains?" "Scissors," I replied.
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has 72.56 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: communication, mean, relationship, wine
Yo mama is so fat, it takes two texts for her to send a selfie.
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has 72.56 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: communication, fat, insulting, technology, Yo mama
Patient: "Doc, recently I've been very careless." Doc: "How? Give me an example." Patient: "Now I'm speaking with you, it seems that I'm talking to my dick."
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has 72.31 % from 111 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, doctor, vulgar
Yo mama is so stupid when you asked her to grab McDonald's she brings the building home.
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has 72.27 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: communication, food, insulting, stupid, Yo mama
I haven't spoken to the mother in law for 6 months now... apparently, it's rude to interrupt!
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has 72.27 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: communication, mother in law, time
Client: "Please remove the unnecessary circle at the end of the sentence." Me: "You mean... the period?" Client: "I don't care what you designers call it; it is unsightly. Delete it."
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has 72.04 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: communication, customer service, stupid, work
I provide technical support for the computer software published by my company. One day, over the phone, I was helping a customer install a product on a Macintosh. The procedure required him to delete an old file. On the Mac, there is an icon of a trash can that is used to collect items to be permanently deleted. I told the customer to click on the old file and drag it to the trash. Then I had him perform a few other steps. As a reminder, I said, "Don't forget to empty the trash." Obediently he replied, "Yes, dear."
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has 72.04 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: communication, customer service, IT, marriage, technology
Q: Why the men's voice is louder than women? A: men have an antenna!
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has 72.04 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, men, women
Peter approaches the gates of Heaven. "Knock knock," says Peter. Miraculously, someone answers him. "Who's there," a voice in the distance asked. "God," says Peter. "God who," asked the voice? "GOD DAMMIT open these gates! I've been a good neighbor, loved my wife and lost my virginity, twice!"
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has 72.04 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, heaven, knock-knock, sex
An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger." The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?" "Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly. "Okay," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?" The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea." To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death, when you don't know shit?" And then she went back to reading her book.
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has 71.95 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: atheist, communication, god, religious
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