The best communication jokes

Q: Why did the bodybuilder buy tape from the hardware store? A: Somebody told him he was ripped!

Little Johnny comes home from school, and his mom asks: "Johnny, how did it go with your exam? Was written or oral?" And Johnny says: "Mom, I think it was anal... 'Cuz it went like shit!"

The bean soup I'd ordered was mostly water. I decided to tell the waitress. "This soup is awful," I said. "I know," she said. "I don't like bean soup either."

A man and wife were having argument about who should make the pot of tea in the morning. The wife told him that he should do it because he gets up first. The husband said that she was in charge of the cooking in the house, making it her job. The wife said that even the bible says that the man should do it. The husband told her to show him and if it did he would make it. She fetched the bible and opened up the new testament, showing him at the top of several pages that said "Hebrews".

A man walks into a sperm Bank. He approaches a man who has just walked out of a donating cubicle. He decides to start a conversation with him. He approaches the man and says "So then, do you come here often?" The man replies "Only when the internets off" and walks off.

Q: What did the farmer say when he is driving down the road on a steep hill and his right front wheel falls off? A: "You picked a poor time to leave me loose wheel."

I don't like the term "anal bleaching". I prefer "changing your ringtone."

Q: Why would a blonde wear green lipstick? A: Because red means Stop.

A man is visiting a foreign country but does not speak the language that they speak there. He decides to go to a church service, but the priest is speaking the native language, so the American man just does whatever the man in front of him does. When the man in front of him stands, so does the American man. When the man in front of him sits, so does the American man. At one point, the priest says something, and the man in front of him stood. So the American man stood too. Everyone in the church gasped, so the American man hurriedly sat back down. Later, the American man figured out that the priest was congratulating a birth. When he had asked who was the father, and both men stood up, it had caused some confusion!

Accordion to research, 9 out of 10 people don't notice when you replace words with random musical instruments.