My wife said to me, "For our anniversary I want to go somewhere I've never been before."
So I said, "Try the kitchen!"
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Joke has 68.73 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: anniversary, communication, marriage, mean, travel
A guy and a girl are roommates in college.
The girl goes to a frat party, brings home another guy, fucks him, and then decides the next morning that she likes her roommate and therefore it's not going to work out. After her fling left, her roommate came up to her and:
Him: "I think I found my soulmate in you..."
Her: "Really?!"
Him: "Yeah... uh... that guy you brought home last night?"
Her: "Oh yeah. I don't care about him anymore."
Him: "Great! So he's available?"
Q: What deodorant do SEO consultants wear?
A: Lynx
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Phil, a smart and handsome young man, dressed in the latest fashion, walked into this local pub.
He noticed a woman gazing at him without blinking her big eyes.
Phil felt flattered so he walked up to the woman and said in his deepest voice, "I'll do anything you wish, beautiful lady, for just £10 but on one condition."
"The woman appeared to be trapped in the moment and asked as if in a trance,'What's your condition?"
Phil answered, "Tell me your wish in just three words."
There was a long pause, the woman opened her purse, counted out the money and handed it to the man along with her address.
She then looked deeply into his eyes and whispered, "Clean my house."
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On the way home from a hunt, a hunter stops by the grocery store.
"Give me a couple of steaks," he says.
"We're out of steaks but we have hot dogs and chicken," says the butcher.
"Hotdogs and chicken?!" yells the hunter. "How can I tell my wife I bagged a couple of hotdogs and chickens?"
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Mr. and Mrs. Apostrophe are divorcing.
He found her to be possessive and she hated his contractions.
The marriage felt like a sentence.
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None of my friends laugh at any of my jokes because cats can only meow.
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[first day as a pilot]
Control tower: What's your location?
Me: I'm in the cockpit.
Control tower: I mean where is the airplane?
Me: Mainly behind me.
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Doctor: "You look much worse than you did last week! I said you should smoke a maximum of five cigarettes a day!"
Patient: "And that's what I did. And it wasn't easy because up until now I didn't smoke at all!"
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I bought a lottery ticket.
My son asked me: "Dady if your ticket wins $100,000 what will you do?"
I replied: "A travel to Europe, drink best and most expensive wines, making sex by the most beautiful actress and so on."
He again asked: "If unfortunately, your ticket didn't win what would be your action?"
I angrily gazed him then I told him: "I don't move here, drink some booze and beer; fuck your mother."