A guy and a girl are roommates in college.
The girl goes to a frat party, brings home another guy, fucks him, and then decides the next morning that she likes her roommate and therefore it's not going to work out. After her fling left, her roommate came up to her and:
Him: "I think I found my soulmate in you..."
Her: "Really?!"
Him: "Yeah... uh... that guy you brought home last night?"
Her: "Oh yeah. I don't care about him anymore."
Him: "Great! So he's available?"
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Hatch.
Hatch who?
Bless you.
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I bought a lottery ticket.
My son asked me: "Dady if your ticket wins $100,000 what will you do?"
I replied: "A travel to Europe, drink best and most expensive wines, making sex by the most beautiful actress and so on."
He again asked: "If unfortunately, your ticket didn't win what would be your action?"
I angrily gazed him then I told him: "I don't move here, drink some booze and beer; fuck your mother."
Accordion to research, 9 out of 10 people don't notice when you replace words with random musical instruments.
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Q: Why did the bodybuilder buy tape from the hardware store?
A: Somebody told him he was ripped!
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The bean soup I'd ordered was mostly water.
I decided to tell the waitress.
"This soup is awful," I said.
"I know," she said. "I don't like bean soup either."
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Q: What did the farmer say when he is driving down the road on a steep hill and his right front wheel falls off?
A: "You picked a poor time to leave me loose wheel."
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Q: What has a key but no lock and has space but no room?
A: A computer?
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I don't like the term "anal bleaching".
I prefer "changing your ringtone."
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Q: What was the world's first palindrome?
A: Madam, I'm Adam.
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