When Chuck Norris makes a joke on this website, everyone starts to make bad jokes because they didn't want to anger Chuck Norris.
Knock, knock. Who's there? Owls say. Owls say who? Yep, that they do.
How to speak Irish: Whale Oil Beef Hooked Say them all quickly.
Q: What is the definition of an extroverted tax accountant? A: Someone who stares at YOUR shoes when talking to you.
Q: Why did the bodybuilder buy tape from the hardware store? A: Somebody told him he was ripped!
Husband says: "When I'm gone you'll never find another man like me". Wife replied: "What makes you think I'd want another man like you!"
I would tell a joke about a bed, but it hasn't been made up yet.
I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Please be prepared for my mood.
Q: Why was the wizard kicked out of school. A: Because he forgot how to spell.
An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger." The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?" "Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly. "Okay," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?" The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea." To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death, when you don't know shit?" And then she went back to reading her book.