The best communication jokes

Little Johnny: "I've piss may I go out?" Teacher : "Piss is an impolite word instead you say I've number 1." Jimmy: "May I go out? I want to shit." Teacher: "Shit is also a bad word it is better to use number 2 instead." Ronald: "There is a wind in my belly give me please a number for it."
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has 66.69 % from 125 votes. More jokes about: communication, disgusting, kids, teacher, vulgar
Accordion to research, 9 out of 10 people don't notice when you replace words with random musical instruments.
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has 66.64 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: communication, life, music, science
One day the teacher was asking the class about there weekends. She asked sue, "how was your weekend?" "Good." Then little Johnny waved his hand "me, me, me." Finally giving in said, "what did you do this weekend?" "I rode in my wagon pulled by my dog and hit a steep hill. The wagon started going faster than the dog and the handle went up his ass." "Rectum is the word you're looking for," she says. "Rectum," said Johnny, "da man near killed him."
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has 66.64 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: communication, dog, little Johnny, teacher, vulgar
Q: What has a key but no lock and has space but no room? A: A computer?
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has 66.60 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: communication, computer, IT, technology
Q: What do you call a lesbian with eight girlfriends? A: An octopus.
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has 66.57 % from 161 votes. More jokes about: communication, lesbian, relationship
Doctor: "You look much worse than you did last week! I said you should smoke a maximum of five cigarettes a day!" Patient: "And that's what I did. And it wasn't easy because up until now I didn't smoke at all!"
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has 66.50 % from 77 votes. More jokes about: communication, doctor, health, stupid
Q: What did the farmer say when he is driving down the road on a steep hill and his right front wheel falls off? A: "You picked a poor time to leave me loose wheel."
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has 66.46 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: communication, driving, time
3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you handsome, don't take it as a compliment!
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has 66.21 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: communication, sex
Little Johnny comes home from school, and his mom asks: "Johnny, how did it go with your exam? Was written or oral?" And Johnny says: "Mom, I think it was anal... 'Cuz it went like shit!"
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has 66.16 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: communication, little Johnny, school, vulgar
One day a fellow came into the bar with a cat, not just any cat, but a mean-looking ginger tom. You could see the scars from across the room. But that wasn't the weirdest thing; a six-foot ostrich - eyes like golf balls, followed them in - a real live ostrich! I asked the man what he wanted. "I'll have a pint of bitter," he said. "A pint of lager for the ostrich and a gin and tonic for the cat." The cat hissed at him. "Make that a double gin and tonic. Thanks." Well, I served the drinks, he paid, and they all knocked 'em back. Wasn't long before the ostrich came back to the bar, and made it clear that it wanted the same again. Well, I poured them. I could feel the cat's eyes burning through me as if he was checking that he got his double again. I took the drinks over to them, and the man paid, taking the cash from a purse tied around the ostrich's neck. This went on for a couple of hours. The man and the ostrich buying alternate rounds, while the cat just sat on the window shelf with his drink, looking fit to kill. The whole place got quiet. People sat and stared, and who could blame them? Eventually, I plucked up the courage to ask the fellow just what was going on. "Can't a man have a quiet drink anymore?" he rasped. So I said, "No harm meant, but you've got to admit that you're a unique set of drinkers. He smiled, but there was no light in that smile. "Okay, you want to know? I'll tell you." "I was across town the other week, working on the new road. Amid the dirt and the rubble, I turned up this old brass lamp. I rubbed it, thinking there might be a date or inscription or something. Anyway, out comes this cloud of smoke and a Genie appeared. You know - turban, scimitar, and the whole works. And he tells me I've got just one wish." "And before you ask, yes, I did wish for a long-legged bird with a tight pussy. But this wasn't what I had in mind."
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has 65.94 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: bar, cat, communication, dirty, genie
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