Your Moma is so fat the only words she knows is the universe.
Librarians may be shy, but their patrons aren't. Look at their oddball requests: A patron offered me $100 to steal a cactus from somebody's yard. A patron wanted me to find a book to teach her dog german. A patron on his way to the casino asked to rub my red hair for luck. A patron once asked me for my home phone number so she could call me with reference questions when I wasn't at work.
It was the standard series of check-in questions that every traveler gets at the airlines counter, including, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" "If it was put there without my knowledge," I asked, "how would I know?" The agent behind the counter smiled smugly. "That's why we ask."
A random communist leader hears about a man making jokes about him. He organizes a feast and calls the man. Leader: "This is how all meals will look in the future!" Man: (looks for a few seconds at the leader then says): "I thought I was the one around with the jokes."
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Q: What did one magnet say to the other? A: I find you very attractive.
Yo mama is so fat, it takes two texts for her to send a selfie.
Q: What was the world's first palindrome? A: Madam, I'm Adam.
Q: What did the blonde's mother say when she asked if she could lick the bowl? A: "Just flush it like everybody else does."
While I was working as a store Santa, a boy asked me for an electric train set. "If you get your train," I told him, "your dad is going to want to play with it too. Is that all right?" The boy became very quiet. So, moving the conversation along, I asked, "What else would you like Santa to bring you?" He promptly replied, "Another train."