Yo mama is so fat, it takes two texts for her to send a selfie.
Q: What did the blonde's mother say when she asked if she could lick the bowl? A: "Just flush it like everybody else does."
May: "Why did you slap me?!" Michael: "I didn't slap your face! I High fived it!" May: "I'm going to tell mom on you when we go to the sea side!" Micheal: "Uh, Shore you will." May: "Don't be such a beach."
My boss is in the process of filling an open manager position. I asked him to please hire a man because women are crazy. He agreed with me. I got upset that he agreed. I'm pretty sure I unintentionally proved my point.
Q: What do you call a dictionary on drugs? A: HIGH-Definition.
Q: What is astronauts favorite game in space? A: Moonopoly.
Me: "Will you Remember me in a day?" Her: "Yes." Me: "Will you remember me in a week?" Her: "Yes." Me: "Will you remember me in a month?" Her: "Yes." Me: "Will you remember me in a year?" Her: "Yes." Me: "Ok, I have a joke. Her: "Ok." Me: "Knock, knock." Her: "Who's there?" Me: "You didn't remember me."
Teacher: "What does a duck say?" Jenny: "Quack Quack" Teacher: "What does a cow say?" Madison: "Moo" Teacher: "What does a pig say?" Little Johnny: "A pig says *holds up gun* get on the wall, you motherfucker!"
Q: How can you tell when a blonde rejects a new brain transplant? A: She sneezes.
Q: What do you call a smart blonde? A: Bigfoot, because they don't exist.