Q: What is astronauts favorite game in space? A: Moonopoly.
In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman.
Q: What did dick say to rubber? A: "Cover me I'm going in."
Yo mama so stupid she told a yo mama joke to you.
My friend to me "I don't understand why Chuck Norris is the butt of so many jokes." Me to the friend "Well he does kick a lot of them."
A man is in a mall and sees a clothes store. He sees a magnificent, brand new jacket in the shop window and decides he shall try it on and buy it. So he walks into the shop and asks an employee: "Excuse me sir." "How can I help you" the employee replies. "Could I by any chance try on that jacket in your shop window?" The employee looks at him and says "No you shall not you are to try it on in the changing rooms like everybody else!"
Q: What do you call a smart blonde? A: Bigfoot, because they don't exist.
I was taking a golf lesson at the range one day trying to improve my game. This old pro was sitting there giving the lesson and after every swing, he said: "your standing too close the ball". So I adjusted my stance and took another swing. Again the golf pro looked up from his seat and said the Same thing "you are too close to the ball." So I stepped back a little more and swung. This went on for another six swings with the same advice and finally, out of exasperation I screamed what the hell are you talking about! The old pro said, "no no, you are too close to the ball after you hit it".
The man comes home drunken but he goes to the piggery instead of the house. He lies down, he takes a look at the pig, caresses it and says: "Oh, it's you, darling, naked again?"
Q: Why is the camel called the ship of the desert? A: Because it's full of Arab semen.