The following conversation took place after a recently deceased Pakistani man knocked on the gates of Heaven for about 5 minutes. St. Peter: "What do you want? " Pakistani man: "I'm here for Jesus." St. Peter: "Jesus, your taxi's her!! "
Q: What is a parrot's favorite game? A: Hide and Speak!
Yo mama is so fat, it takes two texts for her to send a selfie.
Q: How can you tell if a lesbian is butch? A: She kick starts her vibrator and rolls her own tampons.
May: "Why did you slap me?!" Michael: "I didn't slap your face! I High fived it!" May: "I'm going to tell mom on you when we go to the sea side!" Micheal: "Uh, Shore you will." May: "Don't be such a beach."
Q: What did the basketball say to the player? A: Please don't shoot me.
Nothing makes me more suspicious than an unsolicited compliment.
My boss is in the process of filling an open manager position. I asked him to please hire a man because women are crazy. He agreed with me. I got upset that he agreed. I'm pretty sure I unintentionally proved my point.
Q: What is astronauts favorite game in space? A: Moonopoly.
In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman.