While I was working as a store Santa, a boy asked me for an electric train set. "If you get your train," I told him, "your dad is going to want to play with it too. Is that all right?" The boy became very quiet. So, moving the conversation along, I asked, "What else would you like Santa to bring you?" He promptly replied, "Another train."
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Chuck Norris originally wrote the first dictionary. The definition of each word is as follows - A swift roundhouse kick to the face.
Q: What do you call a sleeping dinosaur? A: A dino-snore!
Man walks into a bar and sits next to another customer. Bartender comes over and says to the new customer, "what can I get you?" Customer says "bourbon and coke." Bartender looks at first customer and says another "beer Jackass?" He says nods his head yes. 10 minutes later bartender comes back to check to see if customer wants another bourbon and coke and customer says "sure." Bartender looks at first customer and says "another beer Jackass?" And customer nods yes. Bourbon and coke customer says to beer customer, "Man you are the customer, don't le t that bartender talk to you like that." Beer customer says "it's ok he al, he al, He always calls me that!"
My husband, who uses a wheelchair, showed up at his eye doctor for an appointment. The receptionist checked the schedule, then said, "The nurse will call you in a moment. Have a seat." He smiled. "Done."
My boss is in the process of filling an open manager position. I asked him to please hire a man because women are crazy. He agreed with me. I got upset that he agreed. I'm pretty sure I unintentionally proved my point.
Sometimes I use really big words which I don't understand to make me seem more photosynthesis.
Q: What do you call a smart blonde? A: Bigfoot, because they don't exist.
A white boy and a black boy were arguing one day. The white boy screams "God is white!" The black boy screams "God is black!" This goes on and on for about an hour when all of a sudden there comes a loud crack of lightning and the heavens open up and a booming voice says "I am what I am." The white boy jumps up and says "See, I told you so!" To which the black boy says "How does that prove God's white?" The white boy replies "Because if God were black he would have said, "I is what I is."