The best cop jokes

A murder has been committed. Police are called to an apartment and find a man standing, holding a 5-iron in his hands, looking at the lifeless body of a woman on the ground. The detective asks, "Sir, is that your wife?" "Yes." "Did you hit her with that golf club?" "Yes. Yes, I did," the man answers. He stifles a sob, drops the club and puts his hands on his head. "How many times did you hit her?" "I don't know. Five...six ...put me down for a five."
Vote:
has 38.91 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: cop, wife
Why did the duck get arrested? because he was selling quack.
Vote:
has 37.92 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: animal, cop, duck
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days." Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely!" "This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man, The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man. The man asks, "Aren't you having any?" The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."
Vote:
has 37.68 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, cop, wine
How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one, but he is never around when you need him.
Vote:
has 37.61 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: cop, light bulb
A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator," she cried out. However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line. "Never mind, I got in the back seat by mistake."
Vote:
has 37.41 % from 104 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, cop, phone
How many cop jokes are there? Just two, all the rest are true!
Vote:
has 37.27 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: cop
What did the policeman say to his belly button? You're under a vest!
Vote:
has 36.51 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: cop
I had a knock at my door earlier, it was a policeman… “Mr Cook?” “Yes,” I replied. “I’m afraid your dog has just been reported to have chased someone on a bike.” I said, “That’s bullshit – my dog doesn’t have a bike!”
Vote:
has 36.51 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal, cop, dog
Q: Did you hear Lorena Bobbitt was almost killed in a traffic accident? A: Some dick cut her off.
Vote:
has 36.09 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: cop
Why do police dogs lick their balls? To get the taste of Nigger out their mouths.
Vote:
has 35.69 % from 124 votes. More jokes about: animal, cop, dog, racist
<<<33343536
More jokes →
Page 33 of 41.