The best cop jokes

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
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has 39.32 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: cop
How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one, but he is never around when you need him.
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has 39.21 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: cop, light bulb
The cops pulled Chuck Norris over for going 55 miles per hour on the freeway. But since he wasn't in a car, they had to give him a ticket for jaywalking.
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has 38.50 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: car, Chuck Norris, cop
A murder has been committed. Police are called to an apartment and find a man standing, holding a 5-iron in his hands, looking at the lifeless body of a woman on the ground. The detective asks, "Sir, is that your wife?" "Yes." "Did you hit her with that golf club?" "Yes. Yes, I did," the man answers. He stifles a sob, drops the club and puts his hands on his head. "How many times did you hit her?" "I don't know. Five...six ...put me down for a five."
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has 38.12 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: cop, wife
A traffic Policeman recently stopped a woman for exceeding the posted speed limit. He asked the driver her name. She said, "I'm Mrs. Chadivaler Zuminskagia Ragretumunga from the Republic of Uzbetikan visiting my daughter in Columbia." As she finished speaking the cop paused for a moment and then put away his summons book and pen, and said, "Well... OK... but don't let me catch you speeding again."
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has 36.90 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: cop, women
After a particularly poor game of golf, a popular club member skipped the clubhouse and started to go home. As he was walking to the parking lot to get his car, a policeman stopped him and asked, "Did you tee off on the sixteenth hole about twenty minutes ago?" "Yes," the golfer responded. "Did you happen to hook your ball so that it went over the trees and off the course?" "Yes, I did. How did you know?" he asked. "Well," said the policeman very seriously, "Your ball flew out onto the highway and crashed through a driver's windshield. The car went out of control, crashing into five other cars and a fire truck. The fire truck couldn't make it to the fire, and the building burned down. So, what are you going to do about it?" The golfer thought it over carefully and responded... "I think I'll close my stance a little bit, tighten my grip and lower my right thumb."
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has 36.90 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: cop, game, golf, sport
A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator," she cried out. However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line. "Never mind, I got in the back seat by mistake."
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has 36.66 % from 106 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, cop, phone
Microsoft Office doesn't correct Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris correct Microsoft Office.
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has 36.64 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: computer, cop
The drunken wino was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, “I’ve got to take you in, sir. You’re obviously drunk” The wasted wino asked, “Ociffer, are ya absolutely sure I’m drunk?” “Yeah, buddy, I’m sure,” said the copper. “Let’s go.” Obviously relieved, the wino said “That’s a relief - I thought I was a cripple.”
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has 36.09 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: cop
Q: Did you hear Lorena Bobbitt was almost killed in a traffic accident? A: Some dick cut her off.
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has 36.09 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: cop
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