The best dad jokes

A kid came home from school and asked his dad, "Dad, I heard some kids talking about a thing called a vagina. What is a vagina, and what does it look like?" "Well, son, before sex it looks like a beautiful unopened rose." "Wow, what does it look like after sex?" "Well, son, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonaise?"
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has 52.31 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: dad, dirty, sex
Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog, Skipper, had recently died. "You know," Mom said, "it's not so bad. Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God." Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?"
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has 52.25 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: animal, black humor, dad, death, dog
My dad was a complicated man. He was a huge racist, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know? Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was black — that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.
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has 51.93 % from 82 votes. More jokes about: black humor, black people, dad, racist, Santa
One day, Little Johnny was with his father at home. He asked: "What does "evolution" mean?" His father replied, "Figure it out." Next day, at school, during a math test, a boy raised his hand: "What's 289+308?" The teacher said: "Figure it out." Ten minutes later, Little Johnny looked at the boy and said: "Why don't you write "evolution"? Your teacher already told you!"
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has 51.64 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: dad, little Johnny, math, school, stupid
A son and the dad are walking around on the streets. The dad stops the son and says, "Son, if you don't stop masturbating, you are going to go blind." The son says, "Dad! I'm over here!"
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has 50.89 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: age, dad, kids, life, masturbation
My friend's dad went to Hungary. I asked her, "Was your dad hungry in Hungary?"
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has 50.64 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: communication, dad, food, geography, travel
A proud new father sits down with his dad to have a drink. "Well son, now that you have a son of your own its time I gave you something." "Dad you don´t mea-" "Yes I do. You've earned it." Says the father as he passes a copy of '1001 Dad Jokes 5th Edition' to the son. "Dad I dont know what to say...I'm honored." "Hi honored," Replies the father. "I'm dad."
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has 50.29 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, dad, old people, time
The father with his daughter are taking a walk to a public place of their town; "Ann! Why are you so nervously looking around?" observes the father. "How else can I find you a really good son in law, dad?"
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has 50.29 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: dad, kids, lawyer
My dad died on 9-11. He was the best amateur bomber on Iraq's flight team.
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has 50.04 % from 83 votes. More jokes about: black humor, dad, death, terrorist
Daddy, how was I born? Ah, very well, one day you need to find out anyway! Mom and Dad got together in a chat room on MSN. Dad set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber cafe. We snuck into a secluded room, and then your mother downloaded from your dad's memory stick. As soon as dad was ready for an upload, it was discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall. Since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later the blessed virus appeared. And that's the story.
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has 49.79 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: computer, dad, geek, IT, technology
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