Death once got sentenced to Chuck Norris.
The Expendables 2 is actually a documentary film showing Chuck Norris killing people.
The list of names at the end of every Chuck Norris film is the list of people he's killed.
A rattle snake bit Chuck Norris in the leg and the snake died instantly!
Q: What do you call a flying Jew? A: Ashes.
If Chuck Norris killed Kenny, he'd stay dead.
This executive was interviewing a nervous young blonde women for a position in his company. He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked, “If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?” The blonde quickly responded, “The living one.”
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears. He says, "So what's bothering you, dear?" She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night." The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible! Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?" She says, "That he did, Father..." The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?" She says, "He said, "Please, Mary, put down that damn gun..."
If looks could kill they would be called Chuck Norris.
The older I get, the earlier it gets late.