The best death jokes

Good news, I've been given a goldfish for my birthday... The bad news is that I don't get the bowl until my next birthday!
Vote: has 48.41 % from 39 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: birthday, black humor, death, fish, time
I'm going to celebrate Halloween the same way I always do... by murdering a bunch of teens by the lake. Sincerely, Michael Myers
Vote: has 48.37 % from 30 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, death, Halloween, teen
Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk lying in the road and a dead lawyer lying in the road? A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
Vote: has 48.26 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, death, lawyer
Chuck Norris killed Heath Ledger... nobody ruins the image of cowboys and lives.
Vote: has 48.26 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris, cowboy, death
This executive was interviewing a nervous young blonde women for a position in his company. He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked, “If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?” The blonde quickly responded, “The living one.”
Vote: has 47.37 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, death, work
Little Johnny was a chemist. Little Johnny is no more. What he thought was H2O was H2SO4.
Vote: has 47.05 % from 57 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: chemistry, death, little Johnny, stupid
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears. He says, "So what's bothering you, dear?" She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night." The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible! Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?" She says, "That he did, Father..." The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?" She says, "He said, "Please, Mary, put down that damn gun..."
Vote: has 46.87 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: church, death, husband, marriage
Did you here about the man that died from eating Rocky Mountain Oysters? The bull must have drug him a mile!
Vote: has 46.54 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, disgusting, drug
A large number of Black soldiers died in Iraq war because every time their chief said: "Get on the floor!" they stood up and started dancing.
Vote: has 46.53 % from 48 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, death, music
Why are lawyers buried 12 feet deep when they die instead of the normal six feet? Because deep down they are really good people.
Vote: has 46.20 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, lawyer