Why are lawyers buried 12 feet deep when they die instead of the normal six feet? Because deep down they are really good people.
I'm going to celebrate Halloween the same way I always do... by murdering a bunch of teens by the lake. Sincerely, Michael Myers
Two rabbis prepare to wash the cadaver of a recently deceased before burying him, according to a Jewish tradition. The deceased possessed a tremendous sexual organ. Aaron, you see what I am seeing? Yes Jacob, I see it... it is as mine. That long? No, that dead.
What did the Alabama sherriff call the nigger who had been shot 15 times? Worst case of suicide he had ever seen.
Woman delivers baby. Doctor takes the baby, and throws it, smashing around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. Mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging "WHY!?" Doctor holds baby upside down by the ankle and says "I'm just fucking with you, it was born dead".
An American family has grandparents who live in Russia. Every month, the grandparents send a package of powder to the American family. The package always says: "Just add water."https://unijokes.com/ Every time the family does this the powder turns into a delicious soup. The soups are always different and the family is always excited to find out which new foreign flavor they get to try out. One day, the family receives a package in the mail containing some gray powder. Assuming that this is another soup, the family dumps it into a pot and adds some water. However, unlike all the other soups, this one t astes grainy and disgusting. The family still eats it though just to be polite. A week later, a letter from the grandpa comes in the mail saying: "Grandma Taya has died and I have sent the ashes to you. She wants to be scattered in America as that is her favorite place."
Chuck Norris's kill ratio on Call of Duty:Black Ops is infinity.
Chuck Norris is proof that legends never die.
Q: What's blue and doesn't fit? A: A dead epileptic.
Q: What animal rotates at least 200 times after it dies? A: A rotisserie chicken.