The best death jokes

The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer - who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket went in to try out for the job. "Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Gomer, what is 1 and 1?" "11" he replied. The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but he's right." "What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?" "Today and tomorrow." He was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself. "Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?" Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know." "Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?" So, Gomer wandered over to the pool hall where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Gomer was exultant. "It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"
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has 49.51 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, cop, death, work
Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.
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has 49.51 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Did you hear about the skunk who sat on a fan? He got cut off without a scent.
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has 49.51 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: animal, death
What did the Alabama sherriff call the nigger who had been shot 15 times? Worst case of suicide he had ever seen.
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has 49.39 % from 228 votes. More jokes about: black people, death
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears. He says, "So what's bothering you, dear?" She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night." The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible! Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?" She says, "That he did, Father..." The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?" She says, "He said, "Please, Mary, put down that damn gun..."
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has 49.36 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: church, death, husband, marriage
Why are lawyers buried 12 feet deep when they die instead of the normal six feet? Because deep down they are really good people.
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has 49.30 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: death, lawyer
They say sex is a killer... Do you want to die happy?
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has 49.25 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: communication, death, flirt, sex
Jesus won't come back again. Why? Because he know you will kill him and see if he will wake up again.
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has 48.79 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: christian, death, easter
Woman delivers baby. Doctor takes the baby, and throws it, smashing around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. Mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging "WHY!?" Doctor holds baby upside down by the ankle and says "I'm just fucking with you, it was born dead".
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has 48.77 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: baby, black humor, death, doctor, hospital
Chuck Norris is proof that legends never die.
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has 48.26 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
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