The best death jokes

Q: What do Darren Millane (Collingwood footballer killed in a recent car crash) and a blonde have in common?  A: Put either of 'em in a car and they're fucked.
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has 36.08 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, death, soccer
The Karate Kid killed caught a fly with two chopsticks, Chuck Norris killed a rhino with one.
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has 35.78 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death, sport
Chuck Norris doesn't bug hunt as that signifies a probability of failure, he goes bug killing.
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has 35.12 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death, hunting
When Chuck Norris pokes you on Facebook, you die.
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has 34.88 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, Facebook
A man is at his lawyer's funeral and and is surprised by the turnout for this one man. He turns to the people around him. "Why are you all at this man's funeral?" A man turns towards him and says, "We're all clients." "And you ALL came to pay your respects? How touching." "No, we came to make sure he was dead."
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has 34.72 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: death, funeral, lawyer
"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman, "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and piss on my grave." "Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once, I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!
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has 34.70 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: death, funeral, management, navy
A drill sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets, and as he was walking away, he turned to the cadet and said, "I guess when I die you'll come and dance on my grave." The cadet replied, "Not me, Sarge...no sir! I promised myself that when I got out of the Army I'd never stand in another line!"
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has 34.69 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: death, military
Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
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has 34.40 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: death, marriage
If Chuck Norris is after you, don't bother killing yourself, he'll pull you down from heaven and kill you again.
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has 34.25 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, heaven
Chuck Norris never has to wax his skis because they're always slick with blood.
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has 34.20 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, morbid, sport, winter
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