The best death jokes

Q: Where did OP go in the explosion? A: Everywhere.
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has 36.23 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, terrorist
Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.
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has 36.09 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, men
Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater? A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
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has 36.09 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, couple, death, winter
Q: What do you get when you cross a Godfather with a lawyer? A: An offer you can't understand.
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has 36.09 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: communication, death, lawyer
A drill sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets, and as he was walking away, he turned to the cadet and said, "I guess when I die you'll come and dance on my grave." The cadet replied, "Not me, Sarge...no sir! I promised myself that when I got out of the Army I'd never stand in another line!"
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has 35.78 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: death, military
Twenty feet below sea level, a diver notices another guy at the same depth with no scuba gear. The diver goes down another 10 feet, and the guy joins him a minute later. The diver goes below 15 more feet, and a minute later, the same guy joins him. The diver takes out a waterproof pad and pencil and writes, "How are you able to stay this deep without equipment?" The guy takes the pencil and pad and writes, "I'm drowning, you moron!"
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has 35.66 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: death, sport
What do you call a chicken that crosses the road without looking both ways? "Dead."
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has 34.87 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: animal, death
A: How do children in Baghdad do? A: Bombastically.
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has 34.13 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, kids, life, war
A local charity organization realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?" The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?" Embarrassed, the donation seeker mumbled, "Um ... no." The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?" The person coming for donation began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again. "or that my sister`s husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer`s voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!" The person who came asking for donation felt completely humiliated and said simply, "I had no idea..." On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don`t give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"
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has 33.37 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: death, kids, lawyer, medical, money
"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman, "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and piss on my grave." "Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once, I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!
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has 32.63 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: death, funeral, management, navy
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