The Karate Kid killed caught a fly with two chopsticks, Chuck Norris killed a rhino with one.
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Chuck Norris's keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris doesn't bug hunt as that signifies a probability of failure, he goes bug killing.
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Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.
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When Chuck Norris pokes you on Facebook, you die.
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A man is at his lawyer's funeral and and is surprised by the turnout for this one man.
He turns to the people around him. "Why are you all at this man's funeral?"
A man turns towards him and says, "We're all clients."
"And you ALL came to pay your respects? How touching."
"No, we came to make sure he was dead."
A drill sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets, and as he was walking away, he turned to the cadet and said, "I guess when I die you'll come and dance on my grave."
The cadet replied, "Not me, Sarge...no sir!
I promised myself that when I got out of the Army I'd never stand in another line!"
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
If Chuck Norris is after you, don't bother killing yourself, he'll pull you down from heaven and kill you again.
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A lawyer named Impos Syble was shopping for a tombstone.
After he had made his selection, the stonecutter asked him what inscription he would like on it.
“Here lies an honest man and a lawyer,” responded the lawyer.
“Sorry, but I can’t do that,” replied the stonecutter.
“In this state, it’s against the law to bury two people in the same grave. However, I could put `here lies an honest lawyer’.”
“But that won’t let people know who it is!” protested the lawyer.
“Sure it will,” retorted the stonecutter. “People will read it and exclaim, “That’s impossible!”