The best death jokes

A man is at his lawyer's funeral and and is surprised by the turnout for this one man. He turns to the people around him. "Why are you all at this man's funeral?" A man turns towards him and says, "We're all clients." "And you ALL came to pay your respects? How touching." "No, we came to make sure he was dead."
has 35.28 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: death, funeral, lawyer
Q: Did you hear about the Hungarian who thought his wife was trying to kill him? A: On her dressing table he found a bottle of "Hungarian Remover".
has 35.20 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: death, ethnic, wife
When Chuck Norris pokes you on Facebook, you die.
has 34.88 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, Facebook
A large number of Black soldiers died in Iraq war because every time their chief said: "Get on the floor!" they stood up and started dancing.
has 34.48 % from 76 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, music
Q: What did Jesus tell the Mexicans just before he died? A: Act stupid until I get back.
has 34.36 % from 97 votes. More jokes about: christian, death, mexican, racist, religious
Q: What's a polygon? A: A dead parrot.
has 34.35 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: bird, death, math, parrot
If Chuck Norris is after you, don't bother killing yourself, he'll pull you down from heaven and kill you again.
has 34.25 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, heaven
Chuck Norris doesn't bug hunt as that signifies a probability of failure, he goes bug killing.
has 34.19 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death, hunting
A drill sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets, and as he was walking away, he turned to the cadet and said, "I guess when I die you'll come and dance on my grave." The cadet replied, "Not me, sir! I promised myself that when I got out of the Army I'd never stand in another line!"
has 33.28 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: death, military
A local charity organization realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?" The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?" Embarrassed, the donation seeker mumbled, "Um ... no." The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?" The person coming for donation began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again. "or that my sister`s husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer`s voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!" The person who came asking for donation felt completely humiliated and said simply, "I had no idea..." On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don`t give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"
has 33.28 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: death, kids, lawyer, medical, money
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