The best death jokes

A man went into a bar in a high rise. He saw another man take a pill, take a drink, walk to the window and jump out. He flew around for a minute and zipped back into the bar. As the amazed newcomer watched, the man repeated this twice more. Finally the man asked if he could have a pill. The flier said it was his last one. The man offered five hundred dollars to no avail, so he made a final offer of a thousand dollars. The man said that it was all he had on him. The flier reluctantly gave in, took the cash, surrendered the pill, and turned back to the bar. The man took the pill, took a drink, went to the window, and jumped out only to fall to his death. The bartender walked over to the flier at the bar and, wiping a glass, said, “You sure are mean when you’re drunk, Superman.
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has 39.50 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, death, drunk, money
A boxer had written on his tombstone: "You can stop counting. I'm not getting up."
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has 39.47 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: death, sport
Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater? A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
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has 39.39 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, couple, death, winter
Question: How do you call a woman who always knows where her husband is? Answer: A widow.
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has 39.38 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: death, husband, women
There was a blonde who tried to hang herself and a diffrent blonde came in and saw her hanging from her stomach and said," your supposed to hang yourself from your neck. And she said," i tried that but i couldnt breath.
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has 39.32 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: blonde, death
Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.
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has 39.32 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, men
A single car crash kills a Mexican family. 15 people died.
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has 39.05 % from 86 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, family, mexican
Chuck Norris put humpty dumpty back together again, only to roundhouse kick him in the face. Later Chuck dined on scrambled eggs with all the king's horses and all the king's men. The king himself could not attend for unspecified reasons. Coincidentally, the autopsoy revealed the cause of death to be a roundhouse kick to the face. There is only one King.
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has 38.50 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand? A: Not enough sand.
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has 38.22 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, lawyer, morbid
A recent widow was crying to a grief counselor. “We were married twenty-five years before he died,” she said, dabbing away a tear. “Never had an argument in all those years.” “Amazing,” said the councilor. “How did you do it?” “I outweighed him by forty pounds and he was a coward.”
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has 37.61 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: death, marriage, old people
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