The best dirty jokes

A kid walks by his parents having sex asks what's going on and his mother tells him, "We are making fishsticks". The next day the kid says, "Mom were you making fishsticks again?" And she says "Why, yes, how did you know, honey?" And the kid replies, "Well, you have a little tarter sauce on your mouth."
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has 80.70 % from 215 votes. More jokes about: dirty
A man is at the optometrist getting his eyes checked. "You need to stop masturbating so much," the optometrist says. "Why?" asks the man. "Is it going to make me go blind?" The optometrist looks around and says "no, but it's making the other patients very uncomfortable."
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has 80.65 % from 255 votes. More jokes about: dirty, doctor, masturbation, men
Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together. The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father.'" The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace.'" The third Catholic woman says smugly, "My son is a Cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Eminence.'" The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three women give her this subtle "Well…?" She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6’2, hard bodied stripper. When he walks into a room, people say, 'Oh my God…'"
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has 80.63 % from 249 votes. More jokes about: catholic, dirty, food, god, priest
Boy: My magic watch says that you don't have any underwear on. Girl: Well its wrong... Boy: Guess my watch is 15 minutes fast
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has 80.63 % from 470 votes. More jokes about: dirty, time
A duck, a pigeon, and a chicken all walk into a courtroom... The judge asked the duck, "What is your crime?" The duck responds, "I was blowing bubbles in front of City Hall." The judge says, "There's no crime committed here, you're free to go." The judge then asks the pigeon, "What is your crime?" The pigeon responds, "I was also blowing bubbles in front of City Hall." The judge looks a little confused but finally says, "There's no crime committed here, you're also free to go." Lastly, the chicken walks up to the judge, and the judge asks, "What is your crime?" The chicken, first looking back at the pigeon and the duck, then turning to the judge says, "I'm bubbles."
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has 80.59 % from 131 votes. More jokes about: animal, bird, dirty, duck, sex
Q: Who is the most skillful goal keeper in the world? A: All women; they never allow any ball enters.
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has 80.56 % from 328 votes. More jokes about: dirty, sport, women
Q: Why do men fart louder than women? A: because they have a microphone and two speakers.
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has 80.54 % from 339 votes. More jokes about: dirty, disgusting, fart, men, women
Two eggs boiling in a pan. One says, "I've got a huge crack." The other replies, "Stop teasing me, I'm not f*cking hard yet."
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has 80.52 % from 316 votes. More jokes about: dirty
A Boyfriend texts his Girlfriend saying "Hey babe you wanna come over and have sex?" Girlfriend texts back "Duh!" So the girl goes over her Boyfriends house, and right before they get into it, he sets the boundaries. "Ok, so my little brother is home, and I have bunk beds. He's on the bottom bunk. If you want it harder, you say tomato. If you want it faster, you say lettuce, and if you want to moan you say any other ingredients that would be on a sandwich." So they're up on the top bunk having sex, and she's yelling "Tomato! Tomato! Lettuce! Lettuce! Cheese! Cheese!" Well the little brother is still on the bottom bunk and yells "Hey can you guys knock it off, your getting Mayonnaise all over me!!!"
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has 80.51 % from 808 votes. More jokes about: dirty, food, sex
What type of pussy does a priest get? Nun.
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has 80.51 % from 276 votes. More jokes about: dirty
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