The best dirty jokes

A family walks into a hotel and the father goes to the front desk and he says "I hope the porn is disabled." The guy at the desk replies. "It's just regular porn you sick fuck."
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has 80.97 % from 277 votes. More jokes about: dirty
I think Bing could have totally crushed Google if they had called it "Bang". I mean, think about it.. "I BANGED Emma Watson last night."
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has 80.93 % from 557 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, dirty, internet
Girl Cop: "You have to right to remain silent. Anything you say or do will be used against you." Guy: "Boobs!"
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has 80.92 % from 613 votes. More jokes about: cop, dirty
A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?" The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to f*ck your brains out, and suck your tits dry." Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?" He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."
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has 80.84 % from 157 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator? A: "What are you shaking about, it's me she's going to eat."
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has 80.81 % from 452 votes. More jokes about: dirty, food, masturbation
A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store. The store clerk called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor. The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital. A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clipboard loaded with several forms, and a pen. She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment. “Do you have health insurance?” she asked. He replied in a raspy voice, “No health insurance.” The nun asked, “Do you have money in the bank?” He replied, “No money in the bank.” Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?” asked the irritated nun. He said, “I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun.” The nun became agitated and announced loudly, “Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God.” The patient replied, “Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law.”
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has 80.80 % from 286 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Three women were debating about how wide their pussy are. The first one said: "When my husband makes sex he puts his penis and his testicles in my pussy." The second lady said: "Wooo when we are in bed my husband puts his hand and his arm in mine." It was the turn of the third woman that pointed to her pussy and said: Jimy; Jimy come out, please."
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has 80.74 % from 1240 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, sex, women
Q: Why is Santa always so jolly? A: He knows where all the naughty girls live.
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has 80.72 % from 150 votes. More jokes about: dirty, life, Santa, women
Q: Who is the most skillful goal keeper in the world? A: All women; they never allow any ball enters.
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has 80.67 % from 347 votes. More jokes about: dirty, sport, women
A woman arrives home from work and her husband notices she's wearing a diamond necklace. He asks his wife, "Where did you get that necklace?" She replies, "I won it in a raffle at work. Go get my bath ready while I start dinner." The next day, the women arrives home from work wearing a diamond bracelet. Her husband asks, "Where did you get the bracelet?" She replies, "I won it in a raffle at work. Go get my bath ready while I start dinner." The next day, her husband notices she arrives home from work wearing a mink coat. He says, "I suppose you won that in a raffle at work?" She replies, "Yeah I did! How did you guess? Go get my bath ready while I start supper." Later after supper, she goes to take her bath and she notices there is only one inch of water in the tub. She yells to her husband, "HEY! There's only an inch of water in the tub." He replies, "I didn't want you to get your raffle ticket wet."
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has 80.62 % from 289 votes. More jokes about: dirty, husband, women, work
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