The best dirty jokes

When I was younger I used to think having sex was kissing naked. One day after showering my dog came in the restroom, so I kissed him on the head, after realizing what I did I ran downstairs, and told my mom that I had sex with the dog, you can image her face after hearing this. Yep I was a very dumb child.
Vote:
has 76.72 % from 606 votes. More jokes about: dirty, dog, kids, sex
The parish priest needs his house painted so he offers the job to one of his altar boys. The first day the kid paints the entire inside of the house, he’s sweating like hell but eventually gets it finished. The priest commends him on the work and with a flourish hands him a £5.00 note. The boy looks at the money and says to the priest, "Thanks very much Father,...you’re a virgin." The priest is a bit startled but makes no remark. The next day the boy has to paint the outside of the house; it’s a really hot day and he just manages to finish the job without collapsing. The priest looks at the job and this time gives the lad another £5.00 note. Once again the lad looks at the money and says, "Thanks very much Father, you really are a virgin." At this stage the priest decides to take action. "Tommy," he says, "that’s twice you’ve called me a virgin. Do you have any idea what the word means?" "Yes," says the kid, "a tight cunt."
Vote:
has 76.70 % from 88 votes. More jokes about: dirty, kids, money, priest, work
A guy feels out an application for E-harmony to meet the ladies. E-harmony rejected his application because he failed to answer question 14 properly. The question was, "What do you like most in a woman." The man replied, "My d*ck."
Vote:
has 76.69 % from 133 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to... unless your in prison.
Vote:
has 76.68 % from 272 votes. More jokes about: dirty, prison, sex
A girl married with a man who had only one foot. Next day her mother rang her and asked: "My little tell me how did U feel the marriage?" Her daughter replied: "Woo real splendid; alas he has only one foot!" Her mom answered: "You must be too lucky, when I married your dad; he had only one inch!"
Vote:
has 76.67 % from 118 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, family, sex, wedding
Bloke in hospital with 60% burns, Dr. says, "Give him two Viagra." Nurse asks, "Do you think that will help?" Dr replies, "No but it will keep the sheets off his legs!"
Vote:
has 76.61 % from 152 votes. More jokes about: dirty, hospital, medical, nurse, viagra
What is 6 inches long, hard, goes into your mouth back and fourth, and has white stuff at the end. A toothbrush with toothpaste
Vote:
has 76.50 % from 372 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Dating a stripper is like eating a noisy bag of chips in church... everyone looks at you in disgust, but deep down inside they want some too.
Vote:
has 76.43 % from 146 votes. More jokes about: church, dating, dirty
Hey guys. Bet your female friend that she can't use both of her elbows to touch her belly button. Thank me later.
Vote:
has 76.42 % from 562 votes. More jokes about: dirty
This couple were in bed getting busy when the girl places the guys hand onto her p*ssy. "Put your finger in me..." she asks him. So he does without hesitation, as she starts moaning. "Put two fingers in...", she says. So in goes another one. She's really starting to get worked up when she says,"Put your whole hand in!". The guy's like, "Ok!". So he has his entire hand in, when she says moaning aloud "Put both your hands inside of me!". So the guy puts both of his hands in! "Now clap your hands..." commands the girl. "I can't", says the guy. The girl looks at him and says "See, I told you I had a tight p*ssy!".
Vote:
has 76.34 % from 155 votes. More jokes about: dirty
<<<26272829
More jokes →
Page 26 of 93.