Joke #5422

One night, a horny old geezer decides to get himself a hooker. Since the man doesn't have much money, he looks for the cheapest whore in the nearest Red Light District. A short while later, he finds what he's looking for and spends $10 for oral sex and intercourse. The next morning, the old geezer wakes up and discovers he has crabs. So, he gets dressed and heads down to where he had been the night before. He notices the same hooker on the street corner, so he marches over to her and says, "Hey, lady, you gave me crabs!" The hooker replies, "Hey, old man, what did you expect for $10? Lobster?"

A bloke walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads, "Cheese sandwich: 0.99; Chicken sandwich: 1.50; H*ndjob: 20.00." Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, the man walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three hot waitresses. "Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile. "Can I help you?" "I was wondering," whispers the man. "Are you the one who gives the h*ndjobs?" "Yes," she purrs. "Indeed I am." The man replies, "Well, go and wash your hands. I want a cheese sandwich!"

Yo moma is so fat, and so nasty, when she sat down on the toilet, grown men fall out of her screaming "We're free! We're free!"

My girlfriend has incredible sexual skills. I almost had a heart attack when I saw the video!

A well known TV Evangelists is booking into a posh hotel. He tells the duty manager, "I hope the porn channel is set to disabled" The manager looks at him and replies, "No, it's regular porn, you sick bastard!"

Your legs are like an Oreo Cookie - I wanna split them and eat all the good stuff in the middle.

Q: Why would a blonde wear green lipstick? A: Because red means Stop.

Two sperms. The first one asked the second "How much time we need to reach the womb?" The second one answered "To much time left... We are in the stomach now."

Grass is green, trees are greener. When I think of you, I play with my wiener.

A woman is in a coma. Nurses are in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them is washing her "private area" and notices that there is a response on the monitor when he touches her. They go to her husband and explain what happened, telling him, "Crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma." The husband is skeptical, but they assure him that they'll close the curtains for privacy. Besides it's worth a try. The hubby finally agrees and goes into his wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat-lines... no pulse... no heart rate. The nurses run into the room. The husband is standing there, pulling up his pants and says, "I think she choked."

One day a mom and her son went to the zoo. There they saw two monkeys having sex. The son asked "What are they doing?". The mom said "Ohh they are making frosting", then they saw hippos doing it then he said "Mom what are they doing?" "Making frosting" she said. Later that night he saw there mom doing it. In the morning he said "Mom you and dad were making frosting so i ate it!"