The best dirty jokes

Q: Why don't witches wear panties when flying on their broomsticks? A: Better traction.
Vote: has 69.85 % from 55 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, travel
I stopped a girl in the street last night and handed her a rape alarm and some pepper spray. She looked confused and said, "What are these for?" I started unbuttoning my jeans and replied, "I like a challenge."
Vote: has 69.79 % from 726 votes. Send joke:

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A little boy wakes up 3 nights in a row when he hears a thumping sound coming from his parents room. Finally one morning he goes to his mom and says, "Mommy, every night I hear you and daddy making noises and when I look in your bedroom you're bouncing up and down on him." His mom is taken by surprise and says, "Oh.. well.. ah.. well, I'm bouncing on his stomach because he's fat and that makes him thin again." And the boy says, "Well, that won't work!" His mom says, "Why?" And the boy replies, "Because the lady next door comes by after you leave each day and blows him back up."
Vote: has 69.73 % from 82 votes. Send joke:

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Friend: Dude, I can't stop dreaming about my crush. Me: Well imagine this... You're home alone, and your crush comes over to visit. Friend: Ok I can see it... Me: She walks into your room and you're just sitting there. Friend: Uh-huh.. I'm likin' this. Me: Ok. So she walks in front of you, takes her pants off. She's not wearing any underwear.. And then she sits on you. Friend: Oh-ho-hoo.. Whatta' naughty girl. Me: Yeah, ok. Don't get dirty on me. So she's sitting on you. And then... she starting shitting in you. Right then and there, you find out you're a toilet. Friend: I hate you...
Vote: has 69.67 % from 138 votes. Send joke:

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The average speed of ejaculation is 45km/h, which is probably why I was arrested for doing it outside a school.
Vote: has 69.67 % from 78 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, school, sex
There was a little girl and her mother walking through the park one day and they saw two teenagers having sex on a bench. The little girl says "Mommy what are they doing?" The mother hesitates then quickly replies "Ummm... they are making cakes. now come on, we'll go to the Zoo" At the Zoo, the little girl sees two monkeys having sex. Again she asks her mother "What are they doing?" And her mother replies with the same response, "They are making cakes. Thats it we're going home" The next day the girl says to her mother "Mommy, you and Daddy were making cakes in the living room last night, weren't you?" Shocked, the Mother says, "What? How do you know?" She says, "Because I licked the icing off the sofa."
Vote: has 69.61 % from 74 votes. Send joke:

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What is the smallest hotel in the world? A p***y - because you gotta leave your bags outside!
Vote: has 69.61 % from 74 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, sex
Roses are red lemons are sour. Open your legs and give me an hour.
Vote: has 69.49 % from 66 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, food, poems, sex, time
Why do midgets laugh when they play soccer? because the grass tickles their balls :)
Vote: has 69.45 % from 100 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, football
A guy goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The girl behind the counter says, “What size?” He says, “I don’t know.” She hold up a finger and says, “That big?” He says, “Bigger.” She holds up three fingers and says, “That big?” He says, “Smaller?” She holds up two fingers and he says, “That’s it.” She puts the two fingers in her mouth and says, “Medium.”
Vote: has 69.44 % from 62 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, drug