The best dirty jokes

What do you get when you take two hookers to Red Lobster? 10% off for bringing your own crabs.
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has 69.49 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: dirty
One day little Jonny was at his house asleep until he heard his parents arguing and his mom called the dad a "bastard" and the dad called the mom a "bitch". So little Jonny asked, "dad what does bitch and bastard mean?" Then his dad said it meant "ladies and gentlemen." So the next day little Jonny was upstairs in his room until he heard his mom moaning. He walked into their room and the mom said "feel my titties" and the dad said "choke on my dick". Little Jonny asked, "dad what does titties and dicks mean?" So his dad said "coats and jackets." Then it was Thanksgiving and they were having family over for the day and Little Jonny went upstairs and heard his dad say "shit!" Because he had cut himself. And Little Jonny said, "dad what does shit mean?" So his dad said "it means wiping shaving cream off my face." So little Jonny went back downstairs and his mom was in the kitchen stuffing a turkey and she yelled: "fuck!" So little Jonny asked, "what does fuck mean?" And she said "stuffing the turkey." Then the doorbell rang, and Little Jonny opened the door and said: "hello bitches and bastards put your titties and dicks on the coat racket, my dads, upstairs wiping the shit off his face and my moms in the kitchen fucking the turkey!"
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has 69.46 % from 126 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, little Johnny, Thanksgiving, vulgar
Women need a reason to have sex - men just need a place.
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has 69.44 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: dirty, men, sex, women
Would you take a bullet for the last person you had sex with? Anything for the family.
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has 69.44 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: death, dirty, family, redneck, sex
Andy and Annie are watching one of those television preachers on TV one night. The preacher faces the camera, and announces, “My friends, I’d like to share my healing powers with everyone watching this program. Place one hand on top of your TV & the other hand on the part of your body which ails you and I will heal you.” Annie has been having terrible stomach problems, so she places one hand on the television, and her other hand on her stomach. Meanwhile, Andy approaches the television, placing one hand on top of the TV and his other hand on his groin. With a frown Annie says, “Andy, he’s talking about healing the sick, not raising the dead.”
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has 69.39 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: death, dirty
A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads: Cheese Sandwich: $1.50 Chicken Sandwich: $2.50 Hand Job: $10.00 He checks his wallet and beckons to the sexy bartender. "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" he asks. "Yes," she purrs. "I am." "Well, wash your frickin' hands," says the man. "I want a cheese sandwich!"
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has 69.34 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: bar, bartender, dirty, food, money
A little while later Johnny's dad hears a commotion coming from Johnny's bedroom, he rushes in and is horrified to see Johnny shagging his gran! Johnny just looks at him and says "not so funny when its your mum is it ?"
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has 69.31 % from 129 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Valentines Day is the day that the "V" and "D" come together.
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has 69.31 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: dirty, sex, Valentines day
Their was a camel and elephant, the elephant said to the camel. "How come you have your t*ts on your back?" and the camel got offended so he told the elephant. "Well why do you have your d*ck on your face?"
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has 69.29 % from 92 votes. More jokes about: dirty
I stopped a girl in the street last night and handed her a rape alarm and some pepper spray. She looked confused and said, "What are these for?" I started unbuttoning my jeans and replied, "I like a challenge."
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has 69.09 % from 760 votes. More jokes about: dirty
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