The best dirty jokes

Q: Why would a blonde wear green lipstick? A: Because red means Stop.
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has 67.57 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: beauty, blonde, communication, dirty, sex
Mr. Smith's wife has been in a coma for four months. The nurses have come to realise that she moves every time they wash her crotch area. The doctors think hard about this. They bring in Mr. Smith and say that they have a good idea. Perhaps if he practices oral sex with her she will wake out of the coma. Mr. Smith would do anything so he asks for some privacy. He soon rushes out saying: "I think she's choking!"
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has 67.52 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: dirty
A lady puts an ad in the paper that reads: "Recently single and looking for a man that will not run away, not hit me and treat me right in the bedroom." One day her door bell rings and there is a man with no arms and no legs at the door. He says: "I am here to answer your ad in the paper. I have no arms so I will not hit you and no legs so I cannot run away." She says: "What about the good in bed part?" He says: "How do you think I rang the doorbell?"
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has 67.52 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Little Johnny: "Dad why your dick's hairs are black but the hairs of your head are are going to be white?" Dad: "My dear the first one is thinking but the second is enjoying."
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has 67.51 % from 176 votes. More jokes about: dad, dirty, little Johnny, sex
Don't ever let your girl talk to another guy about her problems; a shoulder to cry on, becomes a dick to ride on.
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has 67.41 % from 209 votes. More jokes about: dirty
A mouse and an elephant are walking through the forest. The elephant falls in a hole so the mouse gets his Porsche throws a rope down into the hole and pulls the elephant out. So they continue walking and the mouse falls into a hole. The elephant throws his dick into the hole and the mouse climbs out. Moral of the story: if you have a big enough dick you don't need a Porsche.
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has 67.29 % from 93 votes. More jokes about: animal, car, dirty, elephant
Two liars were talking together: First: "My father built 1550 miles of 101 freeway in west of US lonely in one night." Second: "That is nothing but I've been born from my mother's ass." First: "It's impossible. I do'nt believe you." Second: "Shut up. I've believed your 1550 miles distance but why you don't believe my only 4 inches length?"
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has 67.21 % from 211 votes. More jokes about: birthday, dirty, vulgar, work
This couple had been dating for about six months, but the guy had been afraid to make any s*xual advances because of his tiny organ. Finally one night, he gets up his courage, and takes her to a secluded spot in his car. While they are kissing, he opens his zipper and guides her hand onto his p*nis. "No thanks," the girl says. "You know I don't smoke."
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has 67.13 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: dirty
One day, an old guy gets on a bus. Several minutes later a punk kid with red, green, and orange hair gets on. The kid notices that the old man keeps staring at him. "What you staring at, old man? Ain't you ever done anything wild in your time?" "Yeah. I screwed a parrot once. I was wondering if you were my son?"
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has 67.11 % from 89 votes. More jokes about: dirty, parrot, sex
Two nuns are sitting on a park bench. A man in a trench coat runs up and flashes them. The first nun has a stroke. The second nun tried but she couldn't reach.
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has 67.10 % from 75 votes. More jokes about: dirty
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