The best dirty jokes

This guy dies and his wife gets him cremated. She takes the ashes home and lays them out on the table and starts talking to them. "You know that fur coat you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money. You know the new car you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money." Then she whispers, "You know that blowjob I promised you? Well, here it comes..."
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has 68.97 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: car, death, dirty, money, wife
In funeral of my friend's wife, I went to condole him so I said: "Don't think she was your wife, she was for all".
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has 68.87 % from 109 votes. More jokes about: dirty, funeral, insulting, sex, wife
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you. The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
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has 68.72 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: dirty, time, wife
Mom: If a boy touches your boobs say "don't" and if he touches your pussy say "stop"? Girl: But mom, he touched both so I said "don’t stop"
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has 68.72 % from 130 votes. More jokes about: dirty, sex
I would kick you straight in the vagina... If I wasn't afraid of losing my shoe.
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has 68.69 % from 183 votes. More jokes about: dirty
The main rule to obey, if you are in jail: never take a bow for a fallen soap from the wash basin. Try and you'll cry.
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has 68.56 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: dirty, prison, sex
A willy is like a tree in your 20's its like a rock hard oak. In your 30's & 40's its like a birch tree, flexible but reliable. After your 50's its like a xmas tree, dead from the roots up & the balls are just there for decoration.
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has 68.42 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Q: Whats the Diffenence between kinky and perverted? A1: Kinky is when you tickle your girl friends ass with a feather. A2: Perverted is when you use the whole chicken...
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has 68.38 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, disgusting
A little while later Johnny's dad hears a commotion coming from Johnny's bedroom, he rushes in and is horrified to see Johnny shagging his gran! Johnny just looks at him and says "not so funny when its your mum is it ?"
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has 68.29 % from 114 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Chuck Norris once wrestled a thirty foot snake, and then he realized he was just masturbating.
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has 68.18 % from 245 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, dirty, masturbation
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