The best dirty jokes

A father was advising his son: "If you want to have a big and strong dick in future you have to eat more walnuts." Suddenly son's mother by an angry face shouted: "Why when you were child did'nt eat enough walnut yourself?"
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has 69.16 % from 99 votes. More jokes about: communication, dad, dirty, family, kids
I stopped a girl in the street last night and handed her a rape alarm and some pepper spray. She looked confused and said, "What are these for?" I started unbuttoning my jeans and replied, "I like a challenge."
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has 69.09 % from 760 votes. More jokes about: dirty
A little while later Johnny's dad hears a commotion coming from Johnny's bedroom, he rushes in and is horrified to see Johnny shagging his gran! Johnny just looks at him and says "not so funny when its your mum is it ?"
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has 69.08 % from 128 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Q: Why did they make glow in the dark condoms? A: So gay guys can play star wars.
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has 68.94 % from 131 votes. More jokes about: dirty, gay, men, sex
Little Johnny: "Dad why your dick's hairs are black but the hairs of your head are are going to be white?" Dad: "My dear the first one is thinking but the second is enjoying."
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has 68.88 % from 170 votes. More jokes about: dad, dirty, little Johnny, sex
*How girls become friends* Omg I love your shoes! *How guys become friends* Excuse me sir, I see you fuck bitches, I myself, also fuck bitches.
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has 68.87 % from 313 votes. More jokes about: dirty, friendship
Two nuns are sitting on a park bench. A man in a trench coat runs up and flashes them. The first nun has a stroke. The second nun tried but she couldn't reach.
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has 68.72 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Teacher: "Who knows 5+5=?" Little Johnny: "11" Teacher: "Take out your hand from trousers pocket and count with your fingers."
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has 68.53 % from 189 votes. More jokes about: dirty, little Johnny, math, stupid, teacher
One day little Jonny was at his house asleep until he heard his parents arguing and his mom called the dad a "bastard" and the dad called the mom a "bitch". So little Jonny asked, "dad what does bitch and bastard mean?" Then his dad said it meant "ladies and gentlemen." So the next day little Jonny was upstairs in his room until he heard his mom moaning. He walked into their room and the mom said "feel my titties" and the dad said "choke on my dick". Little Jonny asked, "dad what does titties and dicks mean?" So his dad said "coats and jackets." Then it was Thanksgiving and they were having family over for the day and Little Jonny went upstairs and heard his dad say "shit!" Because he had cut himself. And Little Jonny said, "dad what does shit mean?" So his dad said "it means wiping shaving cream off my face." So little Jonny went back downstairs and his mom was in the kitchen stuffing a turkey and she yelled: "fuck!" So little Jonny asked, "what does fuck mean?" And she said "stuffing the turkey." Then the doorbell rang, and Little Jonny opened the door and said: "hello bitches and bastards put your titties and dicks on the coat racket, my dads, upstairs wiping the shit off his face and my moms in the kitchen fucking the turkey!"
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has 68.51 % from 122 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, little Johnny, Thanksgiving, vulgar
If a firefighters business can go up in smoke, and a plumbers business can go down the drain, can a hooker get layed off?
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has 68.50 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: business, dirty
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