The best dirty jokes

What does tightrope walking and getting a blowjob from Grandma have in common? You don't look down.
Vote: has 68.38 % from 56 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, dirty, old people, sport
Mom: If a boy touches your boobs say "don't" and if he touches your pussy say "stop"? Girl: But mom, he touched both so I said "don’t stop"
Vote: has 68.38 % from 125 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, sex
I would kick you straight in the vagina... If I wasn't afraid of losing my shoe.
Vote: has 68.36 % from 174 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty
One day, an old guy gets on a bus. Several minutes later a punk kid with red, green, and orange hair gets on. The kid notices that the old man keeps staring at him. "What you staring at, old man? Ain't you ever done anything wild in your time?" "Yeah. I screwed a parrot once. I was wondering if you were my son?"
Vote: has 68.15 % from 63 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, parrot, sex
If a firefighters business can go up in smoke, and a plumbers business can go down the drain, can a hooker get layed off?
Vote: has 68.14 % from 48 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: business, dirty
I had a visitor one night… he explored my body… licked, sucked, swallowed & had his fill… when satisfied he left… I was hurt… Damn mosquito!!!
Vote: has 68.12 % from 92 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, dirty, sex
Two men were shipwrecked on an island. They decided to venture inland to see if they could find someone. The men came across a village in the middle of a jungle, immediately they were surrounded by a tribe of islanders. The chief walks to the men and says, "What do you choose, Death or Boogaloo?" The first man thinks for a second and replies, "I choose Boogaloo". The chief smiles and the tribe begins to chant "boogaloo, boogaloo, boogaloo". The chief takes the man, bends him over and f**ks him up. The second man is horrified at what he has just witnessed and then the chief walks up to him and asks, "You must choose, Death or Boogaloo?" The man thinks he would rather die than have boogaloo, so he replies, "I choose death." The tribe roars in ecstasy and the chief yells, "Death by boogaloo!!!"
Vote: has 68.03 % from 141 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty
A willy is like a tree in your 20's its like a rock hard oak. In your 30's & 40's its like a birch tree, flexible but reliable. After your 50's its like a xmas tree, dead from the roots up & the balls are just there for decoration.
Vote: has 68.00 % from 70 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty
Friend: Dude, I can't stop dreaming about my crush. Me: Well imagine this... You're home alone, and your crush comes over to visit. Friend: Ok I can see it... Me: She walks into your room and you're just sitting there. Friend: Uh-huh.. I'm likin' this. Me: Ok. So she walks in front of you, takes her pants off. She's not wearing any underwear.. And then she sits on you. Friend: Oh-ho-hoo.. Whatta' naughty girl. Me: Yeah, ok. Don't get dirty on me. So she's sitting on you. And then... she starting shitting in you. Right then and there, you find out you're a toilet. Friend: I hate you...
Vote: has 67.93 % from 144 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty
The man comes home drunken but he goes to the piggery instead of the house. He lies down, he takes a look at the pig, caresses it and says: "Oh, it's you, darling, naked again?"
Vote: has 67.88 % from 20 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, communication, dirty, drunk, stupid


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