The best dirty jokes

Got my wife a dildo and some shoes for her birthday. If she doesn't like the shoes, she can go fuck herself.
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has 69.06 % from 95 votes. More jokes about: birthday, dirty, masturbation, sex, vulgar
Little Johnny: "Dad why your dick's hairs are black but the hairs of your head are are going to be white?" Dad: "My dear the first one is thinking but the second is enjoying."
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has 69.06 % from 171 votes. More jokes about: dad, dirty, little Johnny, sex
This guy goes into a Sperm Bank with a gun and a ski mask and yells at the receptionist to open the safe. She's confused, thinking this is the world's dumbest criminal. "Sir, this is a sperm bank, we don't have money in here! That safe is full of donated sperm samples!" The robber screams for her to open it. At this point, she's confused. Maybe he's just a guy who thought better of becoming an anonymous donor and wants his sample back. She opens the safe like he commanded. The robber yells: "Now bring over that tray!" The woman does as he asks and brings the tray of sperm samples to the counter. As soon as the tray hits the counter, the menacing criminal makes further demands: "Now open that container and drink it!" The woman's gag reflex triggers. She barely manages to stammer out "that's disgusting! I won't do it!" Angered the man in the ski mask cocks the hammer on his pistol and repeats his command to drink one of the samples. The woman complies, he tells her to drink another, and another until the entire tray is gone. Once the last cup is finished the man pulls off his ski mask and goes: "See honey, it's not that fucking hard."
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has 68.97 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: dirty
*How girls become friends* Omg I love your shoes! *How guys become friends* Excuse me sir, I see you fuck bitches, I myself, also fuck bitches.
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has 68.97 % from 314 votes. More jokes about: dirty, friendship
My girlfriends dad asked me what I do. Apparently, "your daughter" wasn't the right answer.
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has 68.96 % from 102 votes. More jokes about: dad, dirty
Q: What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a dog have in common? A: Wet noses.
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has 68.73 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: dirty, doctor, dog
Are your legs made of Nutella? Because I'd love to spread them!
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has 68.65 % from 90 votes. More jokes about: chocolate, dirty, flirt, food, sex
Two liars were talking together: First: "My father built 1550 miles of 101 freeway in west of US lonely in one night." Second: "That is nothing but I've been born from my mother's ass." First: "It's impossible. I do'nt believe you." Second: "Shut up. I've believed your 1550 miles distance but why you don't believe my only 4 inches length?"
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has 68.62 % from 207 votes. More jokes about: birthday, dirty, vulgar, work
If a firefighters business can go up in smoke, and a plumbers business can go down the drain, can a hooker get layed off?
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has 68.50 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: business, dirty
A man is in Vegas where he lost all of his money so he can't pay for a cab to return to the airport. He sees a cab and begs the driver to give him a free ride to the airport but the cab driver declines. The next year the man returns to Vegas and get filthy rich when he decides to leave for the airport. There is a huge line of cabs, and at the very end of this line was the very driver who never gave him a ride the previous year. The man walks up to the front cab "Excuse me, sir if you give me a free ride to the airport I'll let you give me a handjob." The driver declines immediately. The man then asks all the drivers in this line the same thing. When he gets to the last driver, he pays the fee and the cab driver begins moving, when he moved by the line, the man puts two thumbs up through the window so all the other drivers could see.
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has 68.50 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: dirty, driving, mean, money, time
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