Dear Husband, I have been feeling really dirty lately. Please do me. Love, Dishes
My kid and I were in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours!" The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me. So I put my hand around my kid and told him "Well son, that's because daddy isn't aroused by men."
Did you hear about the two poofters who went to London? They were really pissed off when they found out Big Ben was a clock.
Q: What do you get if you cross a dirty politician with a filthy womanizer? A: Chelsea.
Have you heard about the Viagra computer virus? It turns your 3 1/2 inch floppy into a hard disk.
A Saudi prince recently requested that naked statues be covered up while visiting Rome. Apparently his 9 year old wife found them offensive.
A young man decided after 4 years of working nonstop at a decent paying job and saving the bulk of his earnings that perhaps it was time to settle down. He called up an old girlfriend from his high school days and she answered on the first ring. As they spoke and reminisced about old times she said to him "Wow, this has been great, I've really enjoyed speaking with you, but I must ask, where on earth did you find my number?" To which he replied "Honestly? I'm just as surprised as you are, I have been working as a jani tor in our old high school and just happened to see your number etched into the door of a boys bathroom stall! I'm amazed you still have the same number after all these years!" And she responded "Well, how else was I supposed to keep in touch with all the boys I used to sleep with?"
Q: Whats the difference between Niagara and Viagra? A: Niagara Falls.
Q: What did dick say to rubber? A: "Cover me I'm going in."
Your beauty is why God invented eyeballs, but your booty is why God invented my balls!