Chuck Norris never gets dirty. The dirt is too afraid to even touch him or his clothes.
A man is driving his eighteen wheeler down the road, when he sees a hitch hiker. So the trucker stops and picks up the man. While they are driving down the road, the trucker says "Hey man, you wanna see something pretty cool?" The hitch hiker says sure. So the trucker has this monkey in the back, and he makes it come up with the men, and he smacks the monkey up side his head, and the monkey gives him a blow job. So after that, the trucker says "Hey man, do you want some of that?" And the hitch hiker says "Sure, but just don't smack me so hard."
Being a very religious kind of person, when I checked into my hotel, I said to the woman at the desk; "I hope the p*rn channel in my room is disabled." "No," she said, "It's regular p*rn, you sick b*stard!"
He came into my room late at night. He sat over my body, He sucked, swallowed and he left. It was terrible. It was a BLOODY MOSQUITO!
Q: How did Dairy Queen get pregnant? A: Burger King forgot to wrap his whopper.
A young man asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?" The father, surprised, answers: "Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions." "Onions?" "Yes, see them and they make you cry."
Yo mama is so dirty when she jumped in the bath water the water jumped out and said "No I'm good."
"Is it rape if it's your wife?" "I don't think so." "What a relief! I thought you'd be mad as hell!"
Wanna know Victoria's Secret? She has a penis.
Baby, if you were an iPhone 6, I would tap you all day!