The best dirty jokes

A husband, one bright sunny morning, turns to his lovely wife, “Wife, we’re going fishing this weekend, you, me and the dog.” The wife grimaces, “But I don’t like fishing!” “Look! We’re going fishing and that’s final.” “Do I have to go fishing with you… I really don’t want to go!” “Right I’ll give you three choices… 1 You come fishing with me and the dog… 2 You give me a BLOW JOB…. 3 or you take it up the ass!” The wife grimaces again, “But I don’t want to do any of those things!” “Wife I’ve given you three options.. You’ll HAVE to do one of them! I’m going to the garage to sort out my fishing tackle, when I come back I expect you to have made up your mind!” The wife sits and thinks about it. Twenty minutes later her husband comes back, “Well! What have you decided? FISHING with me and the dog, BLOW JOB, or ass?” The wife complains some more and finally makes up her mind, “O.K. I’ll give you a blow job!” “Great!” He says and drops his pants. The wife is on her knees doing the business. Suddenly she stops, looks up at her Husband, “Oh! It tastes absolutely disgusting… It tastes all shitty!” “Yes!” says her husband “The dog didn’t want to go fishing either.”
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has 63.26 % from 79 votes. More jokes about: dirty, dog, fish, husband, wife
A guy walks into a bar, orders six jägermeister shots. The bartender asks him if it's a special occation? The guy answers "yes indeed, my very first blowjob". The bartender gets excited and says "Congratulations, I'll give you the seventh shot on the house". The guy answers "Nah, if six jäger shots isn't enough to get rid of the taste, the seventh wont make much of a difference".
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has 63.12 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: dirty
What do you get when you put 50 lawyers in a room with 50 lesbians? One hundred people who don't do dick.
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has 63.07 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Q: How can you tell if a lesbian is butch? A: She kick starts her vibrator and rolls her own tampons.
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has 63.07 % from 106 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, lesbian
Little Johnny, "Why are you so fat?" Little Billy, "Cause Every time I fuck ur mom she gives me a doughnut."
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has 63.04 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: dirty, little Johnny, sex, vulgar, Yo mama
A man walks into his house with a duck under his arm. He walks up to his wife with it and says, "This is the pig I've been f*cking'." His wife says, "That's a duck." He quickly replies, "I wasn't talking to you."
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has 62.95 % from 171 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, wife
Q: Why do vegetarians give good head? A: Beause they're used to eating nuts.
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has 62.88 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: dirty, food
Q: How do you get a nun pregnant? A: Dress her up as an alter boy.
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has 62.80 % from 81 votes. More jokes about: dirty
There was three girls and they all had boyfriends and separate rooms. The mom walked by all the rooms. The first room she hears laughing, the second room she heard screaming and the third was totally quiet. The mom was suspicious, so she asked the third girl why was she so quiet she replied, "My boyfriend said not to talk with my mouth full."
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has 62.79 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Q: Why do walruses love a tupperware party? A: They're always on the lookout for a tight seal.
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has 62.63 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: dirty, love, party
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