The best dirty jokes

Fuck me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Laura?
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has 63.45 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: dirty, flirt, sex
A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.
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has 63.45 % from 98 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Police arrested Joe Bloggs, a 27-year old white male and resident of Wimbledon UK, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38pm Friday. Bloggs will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the County courthouse on Monday. The suspect allegedly stated that after a night of drinking, as he was passing a pumpkin patch, he decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview from the County courthouse jail. Bloggs went on to state that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, poked a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need." "I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment. In the process, Bloggs apparently failed to notice the Wimbledon Municipal police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until Officer B.T. approached him. "It was an unusual situation, that's for sure." said Officer BT. "I walked up to (Bloggs) and he's...just working away at this pumpkin". BT went on to describe what happened when she approached Bloggs: "I just went up and said, 'Excuse me, sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?' He got real surprised as you'd expect and then looked me straight in the face and said, 'A pumpkin? Damn...is it midnight already?'"
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has 63.35 % from 73 votes. More jokes about: age, cop, dirty, sport, time
A woman walks into a dildo shop to buy a dildo. After a few minutes of looking around she approaches the clerk. "Excuse me, do you have anything bigger?" She asks. The clerk shows her a few items on the shelf. "I'm looking for something bigger than those," she says. The clerk pauses for a moment, "I think I might have what you're looking for, but it's expensive." "Oh that's fine," she says. The clerk leads her to the counter where he was sitting and pulls out a massive chrome cylinder. "$500" he says. "Oh wow," says the woman, "that is expensive, but it's perfect." The woman hands the clerk $500 and happily leaves the store. The store owner comes out and asks the clerk, "so have you sold any dildos?" "No, but I sold my thermos for $500."
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has 63.26 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Q: Whats the difference between Niagara and Viagra? A: Niagara Falls.
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has 63.22 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: dirty, viagra
Q: Why are gays so happy? A: Becuase the luck does not have the courage turning back to them.
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has 63.22 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: dirty, gay, life
Q: Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? A: To get to the bottom...
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has 63.17 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: dirty, travel
What starts with a 'C', ends with a 'T', and is hairy on the outside and moist on the inside? Coconut.... What were you thinking?
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has 63.12 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: dirty
A guy goes to the store to buy condoms. "Do you want a bag?", the cashier asks. "No", the guy says, "She's not that ugly."
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has 63.10 % from 97 votes. More jokes about: dirty, ugly
Why is the position 69 like driving car in a rush hour traffic? Cause asshole is always in front of you.
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has 63.07 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: dirty
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