Q: What did the blonde's mother say when she asked if she could lick the bowl? A: "Just flush it like everybody else does."
Just heard someone bragging about his one night stand. Whatever mate, I've got two night stands. Either side of my bed.
Your legs are like an Oreo Cookie - I wanna split them and eat all the good stuff in the middle.
Two gays were at a dance. As they were jigging about the floor with each other. Two massive guys entered the hall 6 foot 6 20 stone and full of muscle One gay asked his mate "Is that the bouncers that have just come in?" "No" grinned the other,"That's the raffle."
A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's wheel on his penis. The bartender says to him, "You know you've got a ship's wheel on your penis?" And the pirate says, "Argh, I know. It drives me nuts."
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator? A: The blonde works in the dark!
Did you hear about the two poofters who went to London? They were really pissed off when they found out Big Ben was a clock.
Boy: My magic watch says that you don't have any underwear on. Girl: Well its wrong... Boy: Guess my watch is 15 minutes fast
Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. So to teach her a lesson I said, "Just for that you don't get any butter for a month." Today in the kitchen she killed a cockroach. I said, "Nice try."
Me: Can I call an officer a pussy? Cop: No. Me: Can I call a pussy 'officer?' Cop: I guess you could... Me: Goodnight, officer