The best dirty jokes

Q: What do the Mafia and a pussy have in common? A: One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit.
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has 63.07 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Roses are red lemons are sour. Open your legs and give me an hour.
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has 63.05 % from 115 votes. More jokes about: dirty, food, poems, sex, time
Knock Knock! Who's there? Testicules. Testicules who? Pillow for penis .
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has 63.04 % from 192 votes. More jokes about: dirty, knock-knock
There were these two guys working late in a morgue, when one guy said, “Hey man there is a woman in there with a shrimp in her vagina!” The other asked, “What is a shrimp doing a dead woman's vagina? Let me go see.” Both of them went in the room with the woman, and they both curiosly looked. Finally, the second man said, “You idiot, this ain't no shrimp it's a clitoris.” And the other man replied, “Well, it tasted like shrimp to me.”
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has 62.91 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: dirty
One day a group of engineers got together and decided that man had come a long way and no longer needed God. They picked one engineer to go and tell Him that they were done with Him. The engineer walked up to God and said, "God, we've decided that we no longer need you. We're to the point that we can clone people and do many miraculous things, so why don't you just go on and get lost." God listened patiently to the man and after the engineer was done talking, God said, "Very well! How about this? Let's have a man-making contest." The man replied, "Okay, great!" But God added, "Now we're going to do this just like I did back in the old days with Adam." The engineers said, "Sure, no problem." He bent down and grabbed himself a handful of dirt. God just looked at him and said, "No, no, no. Go get your own dirt!"
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has 62.91 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: dirty, god, science
The fingers of my girlfriend were in my pants; I asked her "Is it thick?" She said "yes dear." Again I asked: "Is it warm?" She replied: "yes honey." Then I asked: "Is it soft?" She said, "yes of course." "It is my shit!" I told her.
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has 62.82 % from 138 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, disgusting, relationship, sex
There was three boys called Zip, Dick and Piss They were in class and their teacher went out to make a phone call Right then Zip jumped on the table Dick jumped in the teachers chair And Piss was punchin everyone in sight 3 minutes later the teacher back in and said Zip down Dick out and Piss in the corner.
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has 62.74 % from 111 votes. More jokes about: dirty
I lost my virginity. Can I have yours?
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has 62.63 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: dirty, flirt, sex
Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. So to teach her a lesson I said, "Just for that you don't get any butter for a month." Today in the kitchen she killed a cockroach. I said, "Nice try."
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has 62.55 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, sex
A man walks into his house with a duck under his arm. He walks up to his wife with it and says, "This is the pig I've been f*cking'." His wife says, "That's a duck." He quickly replies, "I wasn't talking to you."
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has 62.51 % from 166 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, wife
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