The best dirty jokes

Q: What do you call a one-man quickie? A: A yankee.
Vote: has 46.87 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

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"Hey, I have a magic dildo for sale," he says. "What? There's no such thing," she replied. "No seriously, if you don't believe me try it out in the bathroom. All you have to say is 'magic dildo my pussy.'" A bit skeptical she agrees and takes the dildo to the bathroom. A few minutes later she comes out. "Wow, that was great!" She says. She ends up buying the dildo and leaves the store. On the drive home she starts to feel a little frisky and figures why not try out the magic dildo. Well she's really enjoying herself. The car is swerving and she rolls through a red. She ends up getting pulled over by a cop. After she rolls down her window she tells him the whole story. She explains about the magic dildo and the shop. The cop says, "Magic dildo my ass."
Vote: has 46.34 % from 97 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: cop, dirty, gay, sex
Q: When does a pedophile go to sleep? A: When the big hand touches the small one.
Vote: has 46.20 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, dirty, kids, sex
Q: What do you call a blonde doing a handstand? A: A brunette with bad breath.
Vote: has 45.10 % from 30 votes. Send joke:

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How does a gay man fake an orgasm? He spits on his partners back.
Vote: has 44.95 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, gay
Q: What do Blondes say after sex? A1: Thanks Guys. A2: Are you boys all in the same band? A3: Do you guys all play for the Green Bay Packers?
Vote: has 44.92 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, dirty, music, sex
Q: Why do black women lose their hair at an early age? A: From all of the hair pulling during rape.
Vote: has 44.92 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, black people, dirty, sex, women
What do you call an Ethiopian with a yeast infection? A quarter pounder with cheese
Vote: has 44.49 % from 48 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, food, health
A farmer was driving along the road with a load of fertilizer. A little boy, playing in front of his house, saw him and called, "What've you got in your truck?" "Fertilizer," the farmer replied. "What are you going to do with it?" asked the little boy. "Put it on strawberries," answered the farmer. "You ought to live here," the little boy advised him. "We put sugar and cream on ours."
Vote: has 44.47 % from 52 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, food
Happy Father's Day to someome who's been completely replaced in his marriage by Fifty Shades of Grey.
Vote: has 44.46 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, Fathers day, marriage, sex