I would kick you straight in the vagina...
If I wasn't afraid of losing my shoe.
Q: Why the men's voice is louder than women?
A: men have an antenna!
Vote:
A handsome young lad went into the hospital for some minor surgery, and the day after the procedure a friend stopped by to see how the guy was doing.
His friend was amazed at the number of nurses who entered the room in short intervals with refreshments, offers to fluff his pillows, make the bed, give back rubs, etc.
"Why all the attention?" the friend asked, "You look fine to me."
"I know!" grinned the patient.
"But the nurses kind of formed a little fan club when they all heard that my circumcision required twenty-seven stitches."
Are you a candle?
Because I want to blow you.
My girlfriend always calls me a pedophile, and all I can think is "Wow that is a big word for a nine year old."
Dad: "Who do you think the committee screwed this year?"
Me: "Mom."
I know an archaeologist who can tell you what period a tampon was from.
Vote:
What do a rattlesnake and a soft penis have in common?
You can't f**k with either one.
Q: If Nuts on your chest are Chestnuts and Nuts on a wall are Walnuts. What are Nuts on your chin called?
A: A Cock in the mouth!
Vote:
Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly.
So to teach her a lesson I said, "Just for that you don't get any butter for a month."
Today in the kitchen she killed a cockroach. I said, "Nice try."