The best dirty jokes

What is the same with spreading butter on a toast and getting a woman to spread her legs? It is possible with a credit card, but much easier with a knife.
Vote: has 48.18 % from 41 votes. Send joke:

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What do you call a stoner that just broke up with his girlfriend? Homeless.
Vote: has 48.02 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

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Whats the difference between Paris Hilton and a bowling ball? You can only get 3 fingers in a bowling ball!
Vote: has 47.97 % from 43 votes. Send joke:

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Sometimes I wish I was a bird: I would fly over certain people and shit on their heads.
Vote: has 47.49 % from 66 votes. Send joke:

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What is 6 inches long, hard, goes into your mouth back and fourth, and has white stuff at the end. A toothbrush with toothpaste
Vote: has 47.48 % from 49 votes. Send joke:

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I stopped a girl in the street last night and handed her a rape alarm and some pepper spray. She looked confused and said, "What are these for?" I started unbuttoning my jeans and replied, "I like a challenge."
Vote: has 47.29 % from 72 votes. Send joke:

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Q: What do you call a one-man quickie? A: A yankee.
Vote: has 46.87 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

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"Hey, I have a magic dildo for sale," he says. "What? There's no such thing," she replied. "No seriously, if you don't believe me try it out in the bathroom. All you have to say is 'magic dildo my pussy.'" A bit skeptical she agrees and takes the dildo to the bathroom. A few minutes later she comes out. "Wow, that was great!" She says. She ends up buying the dildo and leaves the store. On the drive home she starts to feel a little frisky and figures why not try out the magic dildo. Well she's really enjoying herself. The car is swerving and she rolls through a red. She ends up getting pulled over by a cop. After she rolls down her window she tells him the whole story. She explains about the magic dildo and the shop. The cop says, "Magic dildo my ass."
Vote: has 46.34 % from 97 votes. Send joke:

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Q: When does a pedophile go to sleep? A: When the big hand touches the small one.
Vote: has 46.20 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

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Q: What do you call a blonde doing a handstand? A: A brunette with bad breath.
Vote: has 45.10 % from 30 votes. Send joke:

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