Q: If Hitler would have been a feminist what political system would he have come up with? A: A dickhatership!
Dear Husband, I have been feeling really dirty lately. Please do me. Love, Dishes
A man walks into his house with a duck under his arm. He walks up to his wife with it and says, "This is the pig I've been f*cking'." His wife says, "That's a duck." He quickly replies, "I wasn't talking to you."
Dad tries to persuade his son to eat the egg he has prepared for him: "Eat your egg my child to become as big as daddy!" "I do not want," says the little one. "Eat it my boy to become strong and powerful." "I’m telling you, no!" insists the youngest. "My dear son eat your egg to make your bird grow." And the mom from the inside "George, you eat the egg… I’ll make burgers for the kid!"
Q: Whats the difference between Niagara and Viagra? A: Niagara Falls.
I see you ordered the most expensive item on the menu for our first date. I hope you realize that it comes with a side order of my dick.
Q: How did Dairy Queen get pregnant? A: Burger King forgot to wrap his whopper.
A young man asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?" The father, surprised, answers: "Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions." "Onions?" "Yes, see them and they make you cry."
"Is it rape if it's your wife?" "I don't think so." "What a relief! I thought you'd be mad as hell!"
Q: What's the difference between basketball and sex? A: In basketball you dribble before you shoot!