Q: What is the difference between a blonde and the local football team? A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.
I see you ordered the most expensive item on the menu for our first date. I hope you realize that it comes with a side order of my dick.
Dear Husband, I have been feeling really dirty lately. Please do me. Love, Dishes
Q: What do the Mafia and a pussy have in common? A: One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit.
A man walks into his house with a duck under his arm. He walks up to his wife with it and says, "This is the pig I've been f*cking'." His wife says, "That's a duck." He quickly replies, "I wasn't talking to you."
Q: Whats the difference between Niagara and Viagra? A: Niagara Falls.
My kid and I were in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours!" The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me. So I put my hand around my kid and told him "Well son, that's because daddy isn't aroused by men."
A young man asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?" The father, surprised, answers: "Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions." "Onions?" "Yes, see them and they make you cry."
"Is it rape if it's your wife?" "I don't think so." "What a relief! I thought you'd be mad as hell!"
Q: What's the difference between basketball and sex? A: In basketball you dribble before you shoot!