The best dirty jokes

Q: Why is a sheep better than a woman? A: A sheep doesn't care if you fuck her sister.
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has 63.81 % from 74 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, family, sex, women
A husband, one bright sunny morning, turns to his lovely wife, “Wife, we’re going fishing this weekend, you, me and the dog.” The wife grimaces, “But I don’t like fishing!” “Look! We’re going fishing and that’s final.” “Do I have to go fishing with you… I really don’t want to go!” “Right I’ll give you three choices… 1 You come fishing with me and the dog… 2 You give me a BLOW JOB…. 3 or you take it up the ass!” The wife grimaces again, “But I don’t want to do any of those things!” “Wife I’ve given you three options.. You’ll HAVE to do one of them! I’m going to the garage to sort out my fishing tackle, when I come back I expect you to have made up your mind!” The wife sits and thinks about it. Twenty minutes later her husband comes back, “Well! What have you decided? FISHING with me and the dog, BLOW JOB, or ass?” The wife complains some more and finally makes up her mind, “O.K. I’ll give you a blow job!” “Great!” He says and drops his pants. The wife is on her knees doing the business. Suddenly she stops, looks up at her Husband, “Oh! It tastes absolutely disgusting… It tastes all shitty!” “Yes!” says her husband “The dog didn’t want to go fishing either.”
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has 63.68 % from 80 votes. More jokes about: dirty, dog, fish, husband, wife
I knew I was gonna get along with my mother's boyfriend just fine. Cause when we met, I said to him "Hi Mr. Bob, How are you doing?" He said: "Oh you don't have to Mr. Bob me, just call me motherfucker".
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has 63.67 % from 114 votes. More jokes about: dirty
A young man asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?" The father, surprised, answers: "Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions." "Onions?" "Yes, see them and they make you cry."
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has 63.57 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: dirty
What do your parents' car and testicles have in common? Hit either one of them and you're grounded.
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has 63.45 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: car, dirty, family
My dick is too long and it causes some problems for me. On the other day when I with my girlfriend went to cinema suddenly I had an erection so that the shadow of my penis was reflected on the screen. Somebody from the corner shouted: "Mr bald sit down please we want to see the movie!"
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has 63.45 % from 98 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, life
My kid and I were in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours!" The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me. So I put my hand around my kid and told him "Well son, that's because daddy isn't aroused by men."
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has 63.42 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: age, dad, dirty
A guy goes to the store to buy condoms. "Do you want a bag?", the cashier asks. "No", the guy says, "She's not that ugly."
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has 63.41 % from 104 votes. More jokes about: dirty, ugly
The horrible moment when there's a really cute girls on the bus, but you're too shy to start masturbating in front of everyone...
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has 63.35 % from 73 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Your beauty is why God invented eyeballs, but your booty is why God invented my balls!
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has 63.32 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: beauty, dirty, flirt, god, sex
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