The best dirty jokes

Dear Husband, I have been feeling really dirty lately. Please do me. Love, Dishes
Vote: has 62.37 % from 77 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, husband, work
Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive's wife stopped by his office. When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap. Without hesitating, he dictated, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair."
Vote: has 62.19 % from 46 votes. Send joke:

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A woman goes to the gynecologist for the first time and is awfully nervous. When the doctor comes into the examining room, he notices immediately that she's very tense. "Listen, dear. I know this must be scary for you. Do you want me to give you some thing to numb you down there?" The girl doesn't say anything, but just nods her head yes. So the doctor removes her underwear, puts his mouth in her crotch. "Numb, numb, numb, numb, numb..."
Vote: has 62.10 % from 49 votes. Send joke:

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What's the rudest type of Elf? The GofuckyoursElf.
Vote: has 62.10 % from 49 votes. Send joke:

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I see you ordered the most expensive item on the menu for our first date. I hope you realize that it comes with a side order of my dick.
Vote: has 62.04 % from 100 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dating, dirty
Q: What do you call a lesbian with a big tongue? A: Well hung.
Vote: has 61.92 % from 76 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, lesbian
What do you get when you put 50 lawyers in a room with 50 lesbians? One hundred people who don't do dick.
Vote: has 61.71 % from 36 votes. Send joke:

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A woman walks into a dildo shop to buy a dildo. After a few minutes of looking around she approaches the clerk. "Excuse me, do you have anything bigger?" She asks. The clerk shows her a few items on the shelf. "I'm looking for something bigger than those," she says. The clerk pauses for a moment, "I think I might have what you're looking for, but it's expensive." "Oh that's fine," she says. The clerk leads her to the counter where he was sitting and pulls out a massive chrome cylinder. "$500" he says. "Oh wow," says the woman, "that is expensive, but it's perfect." The woman hands the clerk $500 and happily leaves the store. The store owner comes out and asks the clerk, "so have you sold any dildos?" "No, but I sold my thermos for $500."
Vote: has 61.59 % from 39 votes. Send joke:

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A lady puts an ad in the paper that reads: "Recently single and looking for a man that will not run away, not hit me and treat me right in the bedroom." One day her door bell rings and there is a man with no arms and no legs at the door. He says: "I am here to answer your ad in the paper. I have no arms so I will not hit you and no legs so I cannot run away." She says: "What about the good in bed part?" He says: "How do you think I rang the doorbell?"
Vote: has 61.59 % from 39 votes. Send joke:

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Chuck Norris never gets dirty. The dirt is too afraid to even touch him or his clothes.
Vote: has 61.59 % from 39 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, dirty