Boy - "dear Santa, for xmas, I would like a baby brother."
Santa - "Send me your mother."
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?
A: Clothes.
Are you an elevator?
Cause I wanna go down on you.
Q: What do you call nuts on a wall?
A: Wallnuts
Q: What do you call nuts on your chest?
A: Chest nuts
Q: What do you call nuts on your chin?
A: A penis in your mouth
Q: What do you get if you cross a dirty politician with a filthy womanizer?
A: Chelsea.
Roses are red, violets are blue...
I'm in love but not with you...
When we broke up you thought I cried
But all it was...
Was another guy,
You told your friends that I was a trick,
I told mine that you had a weak dick...
I said I loved you
And you thought it was true,
But guess what baby?!
You got played too!
Q: Why don't witches wear underwear?
A: For a better grip on there broomstick!
Dad tries to persuade his son to eat the egg he has prepared for him:
"Eat your egg my child to become as big as daddy!"
"I do not want," says the little one.
"Eat it my boy to become strong and powerful."
"I’m telling you, no!" insists the youngest.
"My dear son eat your egg to make your bird grow."
And the mom from the inside "George, you eat the egg… I’ll make burgers for the kid!"
Q: Why doesn't Smokey the bear have any kids?
A: Because every time his wife gets hot, he covers her with dirt and beats her with a shovel.
I'm an astronaut and my next mission is to explore Uranus.