As I stand here, and try to piss, I think of the gal that gave me this. If I see her, when I get well, I'll get it again. As sure as Hell.
Chuck Norris impregnates women without having sex with them.
What do you call a stoner that just broke up with his girlfriend? Homeless.
Q: What do Blondes say after sex? A1: Thanks Guys. A2: Are you boys all in the same band? A3: Do you guys all play for the Green Bay Packers?
"Hey, I have a magic dildo for sale," he says. "What? There's no such thing," she replied. "No seriously, if you don't believe me try it out in the bathroom. All you have to say is 'magic dildo my pussy.'" A bit skeptical she agrees and takes the dildo to the bathroom. A few minutes later she comes out. "Wow, that was great!" She says. She ends up buying the dildo and leaves the store. On the drive home she starts to feel a little frisky and figures why not try out the magic dildo. Well she's really enjoying herself. The car is swerving and she rolls through a red. She ends up getting pulled over by a cop. After she rolls down her window she tells him the whole story. She explains about the magic dildo and the shop. The cop says, "Magic dildo my ass."
Sometimes I wish I was a bird: I would fly over certain people and shit on their heads.
What do you call a blonde with pig tails? A blowjob with handlebars.
Q: What do you call a blonde doing a handstand? A: A brunette with bad breath.
I stopped a girl in the street last night and handed her a rape alarm and some pepper spray. She looked confused and said, "What are these for?" I started unbuttoning my jeans and replied, "I like a challenge."