A Saudi prince recently requested that naked statues be covered up while visiting Rome.
Apparently his 9 year old wife found them offensive.
Bully: Your dick is probably like a tic tac.
Geek: No wonder your mom's mouth is so fresh.
Class: Oooooohhhh!
There were these two guys working late in a morgue, when one guy said, “Hey man there is a woman in there with a shrimp in her vagina!”
The other asked, “What is a shrimp doing a dead woman's vagina? Let me go see.”
Both of them went in the room with the woman, and they both curiosly looked.
Finally, the second man said, “You idiot, this ain't no shrimp it's a clitoris.”
And the other man replied, “Well, it tasted like shrimp to me.”
I'm an astronaut and my next mission is to explore Uranus.
Q: Whats the difference between Niagara and Viagra?
A: Niagara Falls.
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?
A: Clothes.
Dear Husband,
I have been feeling really dirty lately. Please do me.
Love, Dishes
What starts with a 'C', ends with a 'T', and is hairy on the outside and moist on the inside?
Coconut.... What were you thinking?
Being a very religious kind of person, when I checked into my hotel, I said to the woman at the desk; "I hope the p*rn channel in my room is disabled."
"No," she said, "It's regular p*rn, you sick b*stard!"
John is paying a visit to his Italian neighbor in the hospital, who just had a very serious traffic accident.
He doesn't look like very much: in plaster, completely wrapped in a bandage, tons of hoses and infusions.
He looks like a mummy.
John tries to have a conversation, but his neighbor has his eyes closed and isn't responding.
Suddenly his eyes jump wide open and he starts to gurgle and during his last gasp for air he says:
"Mi stai bloccando il d'tubicino ossigeno, Pezzo di merda ...."
John inscribes the words in his heart.
At the funeral John tells the black-clad widow that her husband had something to say.
'And, she asks with tearful eyes,"was it that he loved me? "
"I do not know," said the man, "but it sounded like Mi stai bloccando il d'tubicino ossigeno, pezzo di merda ...."
The widow screams and faints.
"What?" John ask startled to the daughter, "what did he say, what does that mean?" And the crying daughter says:
"You are standing on my oxygen hose, you git."