Q: Why did the man put condoms on his ears during sex?
A: He didn't want to get hearing aids.
Q: Why don't witches wear underwear?
A: For a better grip on there broomstick!
There was a little boy sitting on a curb in one hand he had a cat and the other a box of smarties.
Every so often he would pop a smartie bite the cat get up and move down to the curb.
There is a man watching this young boy and wonders what he's doing once again the kid pops a smartie bites the cat gets up and moves down on the curb.
So the man comes outside and yells to the boy but the boy ignores him and continues popping a smartie biting the cat and moving down the curb.
Finally the man screams hey kid "what are you doing?"
The boy looks back and says "who? me?"
The man says "yes."
The little boy responds "Well sir I'm playing trucker."
The man confused says "What do you mean playing trucker."
The little boy then says "Yes, playing trucker I'm popping pills, eating pussy and moving down the road."
Wanna know Victoria's Secret?
She has a penis.
I told my crush at school, "If you love me, come wearing red tomorrow."
The next day she came in wearing black!
When she dropped her pen and she bent over to pick it up, I got a look up her skirt at her red thong.
Moral of the story: she really loves me underneath it all.
Q: How can you tell if your girlfriend really likes you?
A: If you stick your hand in her pants and it feels like you're feeding a horse.
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Why do guys think more then girls, and why do girls talk more then guys?
Because guys have two heads and girls have two sets of lips.
Little Johnny, "Why are you so fat?"
Little Billy, "Cause Every time I fuck ur mom she gives me a doughnut."
Little Johnny got caught stealing in a FOOD 4 LESS and runs away from the cops.
He runs towards his school and into his classroom.
He asks his teacher "May I please hide in your classroom because I got caught stealing".
The teacher says "Yes".
Little Johnny first hides under a desk, but no, the cops can see him there.
He then hides behind the door, but no, the cops can see him there.
So the teacher suggested to little Johnny "Hide under my long, fluffy skirt".
Little Johnny says "O.K."
The cops arrive and ask the teacher "Have you seen a little boy around here?".
The teacher replies "sorry, I haven't".
When the cops left the classroom the teacher says" Johnny, the cops are gone.you can come out now".
Little johnny replies" not yet, I got one more braid to go".
The proprietor of an adult store steps out to run a few errands and leaves his employee in charge.
A woman comes in and wants to purchase a dildo.
She looks at the shelf behind the register.
"How much for the white one?"
"$10."
"How much for the black one?"
"$20."
She buys the white one.
A little later , another woman comes in and also wants to buy a dildo.
After asking the clerk for prices, she decides on the black one.
A third lady comes in for a dildo.
She checks the price of the white one , the black one and asks about the plaid one.
She makes her purchase and leaves.The proprietor returns and asks how things went.
"Great! I sold a white one, a black one, and I got thirty buck for your thermos!"
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