Q: Why doesn't Smokey the bear have any kids? A: Because every time his wife gets hot, he covers her with dirt and beats her with a shovel.
I'm an astronaut and my next mission is to explore Uranus.
Q: How do you know a blonde just lost her virginity? A: The crayons are still sticky.
A guy picks up a pr*stitute and proceeds to spend a couple of hours with her at a seedy motel. A few days later, he finds that he has caught crabs. He chases down the prostitute and says, "hey bitch, you gave me crabs". She replies, "what'd you expect for ten bucks? Lobster?"
A Saudi prince recently requested that naked statues be covered up while visiting Rome. Apparently his 9 year old wife found them offensive.
Remember my name, because you'll be screaming it later!
Bully: Your dick is probably like a tic tac. Geek: No wonder your mom's mouth is so fresh. Class: Oooooohhhh!
Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm in love but not with you... When we broke up you thought I cried But all it was... Was another guy, You told your friends that I was a trick, I told mine that you had a weak dick... I said I loved you And you thought it was true, But guess what baby?! You got played too!
Q: How can you tell if a lesbian is butch? A: She kick starts her vibrator and rolls her own tampons.
Q: Why don't witches wear underwear? A: For a better grip on there broomstick!