I see you ordered the most expensive item on the menu for our first date. I hope you realize that it comes with a side order of my dick.
Q: Why doesn't Smokey the bear have any kids? A: Because every time his wife gets hot, he covers her with dirt and beats her with a shovel.
I'm an astronaut and my next mission is to explore Uranus.
Two rednecks, Bubba And Billy Bob, were walking through a pasture. Bubba sees a sheep caught up in a fence and says to Billy Bob "I'm gonna get me some of that"! Bubba goes over and sticks the sheep's back feet in his rubber boots, unzips his pants and starts to have sex with the sheep. He looks over his shoulder at Billy Bob and says "Do you want some of this"? Billy Bob replies "yes let me see if I can get my shirt caught up in the fence".
Q: How do you know a blonde just lost her virginity? A: The crayons are still sticky.
A guy picks up a pr*stitute and proceeds to spend a couple of hours with her at a seedy motel. A few days later, he finds that he has caught crabs. He chases down the prostitute and says, "hey bitch, you gave me crabs". She replies, "what'd you expect for ten bucks? Lobster?"
Remember my name, because you'll be screaming it later!
Bully: Your dick is probably like a tic tac. Geek: No wonder your mom's mouth is so fresh. Class: Oooooohhhh!
Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm in love but not with you... When we broke up you thought I cried But all it was... Was another guy, You told your friends that I was a trick, I told mine that you had a weak dick... I said I loved you And you thought it was true, But guess what baby?! You got played too!
Q: Why don't witches wear underwear? A: For a better grip on there broomstick!