Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive's wife stopped by his office.
When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap.
Without hesitating, he dictated, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair."
Dad tries to persuade his son to eat the egg he has prepared for him:
"Eat your egg my child to become as big as daddy!"
"I do not want," says the little one.
"Eat it my boy to become strong and powerful."
"I’m telling you, no!" insists the youngest.
"My dear son eat your egg to make your bird grow."
And the mom from the inside "George, you eat the egg… I’ll make burgers for the kid!"
If guys had they periods, they would compare the size of their tampons.
Yo mama ass so big your dad's dick gets lost in it.
Being a very religious kind of person, when I checked into my hotel, I said to the woman at the desk; "I hope the p*rn channel in my room is disabled."
"No," she said, "It's regular p*rn, you sick b*stard!"
Q: Ever had sex while camping?
A: It's fucking intents.
Q: Why do nursing homes give Viagra to the old men every night?
A: It keeps them from rolling out of bed!
You don't have to wait until midnight to see my balls drop.
Q: Why is Chelsea Clinton growing up a confused child?
A: Because dad can’t keep his pants on and mom wants to wear them.
Are you a candle?
Because I want to blow you.