Mr. Smith's wife has been in a coma for four months. The nurses have come to realise that she moves every time they wash her crotch area. The doctors think hard about this. They bring in Mr. Smith and say that they have a good idea. Perhaps if he practices oral sex with her she will wake out of the coma. Mr. Smith would do anything so he asks for some privacy. He soon rushes out saying: "I think she's choking!"
How do you make a snooker table laugh. Put your hands in its pocket and tickle its balls.
How do you know when a Barbie has her period? All your tic tacks are gone.
A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.
Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive's wife stopped by his office. When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap. Without hesitating, he dictated, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair."
Q: Why is Chelsea Clinton growing up a confused child? A: Because dad can’t keep his pants on and mom wants to wear them.
You don't have to wait until midnight to see my balls drop.
That moment when you notice that one fork isn't really very clean when you're laying the table and you have to decide which family member you like the least.
Q: How are rape and an airplane similar? A: The ride gets more annoying when the kid starts screaming.
Alfie was listening to his sister practice her singing. "Sis," he said, "I wish you'd sing Christmas carols." "Thats nice of you, Alfie," she replied, "but why?" Alfie replied, "Because then I'd only have to hear your voice once a year!"