The best dirty jokes

John is paying a visit to his Italian neighbor in the hospital, who just had a very serious traffic accident. He doesn't look like very much: in plaster, completely wrapped in a bandage, tons of hoses and infusions. He looks like a mummy. John tries to have a conversation, but his neighbor has his eyes closed and isn't responding. Suddenly his eyes jump wide open and he starts to gurgle and during his last gasp for air he says: "Mi stai bloccando il d'tubicino ossigeno, Pezzo di merda ...." John inscribes the words in his heart. At the funeral John tells the black-clad widow that her husband had something to say. 'And, she asks with tearful eyes,"was it that he loved me? " "I do not know," said the man, "but it sounded like Mi stai bloccando il d'tubicino ossigeno, pezzo di merda ...." The widow screams and faints. "What?" John ask startled to the daughter, "what did he say, what does that mean?" And the crying daughter says: "You are standing on my oxygen hose, you git."
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has 58.35 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Q: Why doesn't Smokey the bear have any kids? A: Because every time his wife gets hot, he covers her with dirt and beats her with a shovel.
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has 58.35 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: dirty, kids, wife
Got my wife a dildo and some shoes for her birthday. If she doesn't like the shoes, she can go fuck herself.
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has 58.34 % from 117 votes. More jokes about: birthday, dirty, masturbation, sex, vulgar
Chuck Norris once wrestled a thirty foot snake, and then he realized he was just masturbating.
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has 58.30 % from 315 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, dirty, masturbation
A father has three daughters that are all getting married on the same day. He asks his oldest daughter, ''Who do you wish to marry? She says, ''Father, I wish to marry the man with three dragons on his chest.'' He walks over to his second daughter and asks her the same question. She replies, ''Father, I wish to marry the man with two dragons on his chest.'' He then goes to his youngest daughter and asks her the same thing: ''Who do you wish to marry?'' She replies, ''I wish to marry the man with one draggin' on the floor!''
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has 58.29 % from 85 votes. More jokes about: dirty
What do your parents' car and testicles have in common? Hit either one of them and you're grounded.
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has 58.18 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: car, dirty, family
Roses are red, violets are blue. Pornhub is Down, your mums Facebook will do.
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has 58.16 % from 74 votes. More jokes about: dirty, Facebook, poems, technology, Yo mama
Q: What did the prositutes knee say to the other? A: Nothing. They have never met.
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has 58.06 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: dirty
I had to get an Xbox controller tattooed on my vagina. So my boyfriend would play with me for a change.
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has 58.01 % from 95 votes. More jokes about: dirty, technology
He came into my room late at night. He sat over my body, He sucked, swallowed and he left. It was terrible. It was a BLOODY MOSQUITO!
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has 58.01 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: dirty
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