The best dirty jokes

What do a rattlesnake and a soft penis have in common? You can't f**k with either one.
Vote: has 57.16 % from 26 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, dirty
One night a man and woman went to his house to have sex when he stopped her to say "I still live with my parents and me and my brother share bunk beds so if you want to change positions say "lettuce" and if you want to go faster say "tomatos" So they were getting it on and she was screaming "lettuce, lettuce, tomatos, lettuce, tomatos, tomatos" Suddenly the younger brother (on the bottom bunk) said "Could you stop making sandwiches your getting mayonase on me"!
Vote: has 57.10 % from 72 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, food, sex
The pregnancy report of Santu’s wife came. Doctor said, "Oh, nothing to get excited, it was just the gas problem." Santu looks up at the sky towards the God and says, "Lord, What have you given me, a penis or an Air Pump."
Vote: has 57.04 % from 64 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, doctor, Santa, wife
Q: What did the prick say to the balls? A: You guys hang around here while I go inside!
Vote: has 57.03 % from 48 votes. Send joke:
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Q: What's long and hard and full of semen? A: A submarine.
Vote: has 56.98 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, time
Do you work at a cattery? Because I wanna be covered in pussy.
Vote: has 56.98 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, flirt, sex
A girl was pampering a horse with her hand while watching display of the horses, suddenly she touched the genital of the horse. The excited horse screeched, jumped and ran away very fast. The horse’s guard faced the girl and said, “Ma’am please do the same to me, so I can run, chase and retrieve my boss’s horse.”
Vote: has 56.92 % from 37 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty
What is the difference between mayonnaise and semen? Mayonnaise doesn't shoot down your throat at 40 miles per hour.
Vote: has 56.92 % from 37 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, food
The Unfortunate Penis: - You've got a hole in your head. - You always hang around with two nuts. - Your closest neighbor is an a**hole. - Your best friend is a pussy. - Every time you get excited, you throw up.
Vote: has 56.92 % from 37 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty
Two gays were at a dance. As they were jigging about the floor with each other. Two massive guys entered the hall 6 foot 6 20 stone and full of muscle One gay asked his mate "Is that the bouncers that have just come in?" "No" grinned the other,"That's the raffle."
Vote: has 56.86 % from 14 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, gay, men, party


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