Alfie was listening to his sister practice her singing.
"Sis," he said, "I wish you'd sing Christmas carols."
"Thats nice of you, Alfie," she replied, "but why?"
Alfie replied, "Because then I'd only have to hear your voice once a year!"
Babe when I die I want you to cremate me, pour my ashes into a bowl of chili, and eat me just so I can tear that ass up one more time!
I got in trouble for telling a joke in 5th grade.
Now I have to keep 250 feet away from all schools...
Vote:
What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
Make choking noises...
I'd have a comeback for that, but all my come's backed up in your throat.
Aaron Hernandez goes to prison as a tight end.
He'll come out a wide receiver!
Your legs are like an Oreo Cookie - I wanna split them and eat all the good stuff in the middle.
Q: What did the prick say to the balls?
A: You guys hang around here while I go inside!
There was a boy watching tv with his parents.
A sex scene comes on.
The boy asks what the people are doing.
The mom said "they were just making a cake."
The boy goes"oh yea, I saw u and daddy making a cake yesterday and I Licked up all the icing."
Did you hear about the gay guy that's on the patch?
He's down to four butts a day.