What do a rattlesnake and a soft penis have in common?
You can't f**k with either one.
One night a man and woman went to his house to have sex when he stopped her to say "I still live with my parents and me and my brother share bunk beds so if you want to change positions say "lettuce" and if you want to go faster say "tomatos"
So they were getting it on and she was screaming "lettuce, lettuce, tomatos, lettuce, tomatos, tomatos"
Suddenly the younger brother (on the bottom bunk) said
"Could you stop making sandwiches your getting mayonase on me"!
The pregnancy report of Santu’s wife came.
Doctor said, "Oh, nothing to get excited, it was just the gas problem."
Santu looks up at the sky towards the God and says, "Lord, What have you given me, a penis or an Air Pump."
Q: What did the prick say to the balls?
A: You guys hang around here while I go inside!
Q: What's long and hard and full of semen?
A: A submarine.
Do you work at a cattery?
Because I wanna be covered in pussy.
A girl was pampering a horse with her hand while watching display of the horses, suddenly she touched the genital of the horse.
The excited horse screeched, jumped and ran away very fast.
The horse’s guard faced the girl and said, “Ma’am please do the same to me, so I can run, chase and retrieve my boss’s horse.”
What is the difference between mayonnaise and semen?
Mayonnaise doesn't shoot down your throat at 40 miles per hour.
The Unfortunate Penis:
- You've got a hole in your head.
- You always hang around with two nuts.
- Your closest neighbor is an a**hole.
- Your best friend is a pussy.
- Every time you get excited, you throw up.
Two gays were at a dance.
As they were jigging about the floor with each other.
Two massive guys entered the hall 6 foot 6 20 stone and full of muscle One gay asked his mate "Is that the bouncers that have just come in?"
"No" grinned the other,"That's the raffle."