The best dirty jokes

Friend: Dude, I can't stop dreaming about my crush. Me: Well imagine this... You're home alone, and your crush comes over to visit. Friend: Ok I can see it... Me: She walks into your room and you're just sitting there. Friend: Uh-huh.. I'm likin' this. Me: Ok. So she walks in front of you, takes her pants off. She's not wearing any underwear.. And then she sits on you. Friend: Oh-ho-hoo.. Whatta' naughty girl. Me: Yeah, ok. Don't get dirty on me. So she's sitting on you. And then... she starting shitting in you. Right then and there, you find out you're a toilet. Friend: I hate you...
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has 57.53 % from 176 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Q: What did the prositutes knee say to the other? A: Nothing. They have never met.
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has 57.44 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Two friends who had not seen each other for awhile met at a bar. "Hey, your wife just had a birthday recently, didn't she? Did you get her anything special?" "Yeah, I got her a pair of slippers and a dildo." "A pair of slippers and a dildo?" "Yeah, I said 'If you don't like the slippers, you can go fuck yourself.' "
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has 57.44 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: bar, birthday, dirty, friendship, sex
Q: What's a blonde's favorite drink A: A cocktail.
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has 57.35 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, blonde, dirty
How do you make a snooker table laugh. Put your hands in its pocket and tickle its balls.
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has 57.27 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: dirty, game
Sex is like math: Add the bed Subtract the clothes Divide the legs and pray you dont multiply
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has 57.18 % from 93 votes. More jokes about: dirty, math, time
That moment when you notice that one fork isn't really very clean when you're laying the table and you have to decide which family member you like the least.
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has 57.17 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: dirty, disgusting, family, food
Q: What do a woman and a bar have in common? A: Liquor in the front, Poker in the back.
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has 57.04 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: bar, dirty, game, sex, women
On a pair of boxers: Caution! Contains nuts.
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has 56.98 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: dirty
There was a little boy sitting on a curb in one hand he had a cat and the other a box of smarties. Every so often he would pop a smartie bite the cat get up and move down to the curb. There is a man watching this young boy and wonders what he's doing once again the kid pops a smartie bites the cat gets up and moves down on the curb. So the man comes outside and yells to the boy but the boy ignores him and continues popping a smartie biting the cat and moving down the curb. Finally the man screams hey kid "what are you doing?" The boy looks back and says "who? me?" The man says "yes." The little boy responds "Well sir I'm playing trucker." The man confused says "What do you mean playing trucker." The little boy then says "Yes, playing trucker I'm popping pills, eating pussy and moving down the road."
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has 56.81 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: cat, communication, dirty, game, kids
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