I got in trouble for telling a joke in 5th grade. Now I have to keep 250 feet away from all schools...
That moment when you notice that one fork isn't really very clean when you're laying the table and you have to decide which family member you like the least.
How do you know when a Barbie has her period? All your tic tacks are gone.
Q: What do a woman and a bar have in common? A: Liquor in the front, Poker in the back.
"Is it rape if it's your wife?" "I don't think so." "What a relief! I thought you'd be mad as hell!"
On Sunday little Johnny with his dad went for bathing. The ground was slippery. So poor boy for avoiding of knocking down grabbed his father's penis. His father smiled and told him: "Oh boy you are lucky. If you were with your mother you were concussion!"
Sex is like math: Add the bed Subtract the clothes Divide the legs and pray you dont multiply
What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? Make choking noises...
Babe when I die I want you to cremate me, pour my ashes into a bowl of chili, and eat me just so I can tear that ass up one more time!
"For love on the first sight, there's a tremendous medicine!" "What medicine?" "To get another look...!"