"Is it rape if it's your wife?"
"I don't think so."
"What a relief! I thought you'd be mad as hell!"
Sex is like math:
Add the bed
Subtract the clothes
Divide the legs and pray you dont multiply
What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
Make choking noises...
Babe when I die I want you to cremate me, pour my ashes into a bowl of chili, and eat me just so I can tear that ass up one more time!
My 1st time having sex. I suddenly stopped and didn't move.
She: "What are you doing?"
Me: "I've seen this on YouPorn, it's called Buffering.
"For love on the first sight, there's a tremendous medicine!"
"What medicine?"
"To get another look...!"
How are Justin Bieber and a Christmas tree similar?
Both their balls are decoration only.
One night on christmas eve, santa came down the chimney. He was putting toys under the tree for the good girls and boys of the house.
When he got the errie feeling that someone was staring at him.
He turned around and sure enough a lady in a nelgiee was looking at him.
When she noticed santa looking at her she said, "Santa can you stay, can yuo stay?"
Santa, "Hey, hey hey, me have to go. Have to deliever toys for good girls and boys."
So then she pulled down her negliee and showed santa her breast. "Santa, can you stay, can you stay?"
Santa, "Hey, hey, hey. Me got to go. Have to deliever toys to good girls and boys."
Then she took off everything and stood naked in front of santa and said, "Santa can you stay, can you stay?"
Santa, "Hey,hey, hey. Me have to stay. Can't go up the chimney this a way!"
Q: What did the prositutes knee say to the other?
A: Nothing. They have never met.
There are a hundred holes in the body of a woman; one of them would be filled with a penis and 99 others could be filled with money.