What is the difference between mayonnaise and semen?
Mayonnaise doesn't shoot down your throat at 40 miles per hour. 
Q: Why did the lumber truck stop?
A: To let the lumber jack off.
Whats the difference between Paris Hilton and a bowling ball?
You can only get 3 fingers in a bowling ball!
Q: What does Barbie use as a tampon?
A: A Tic-Tac.
We must admit that we want to be like some animals.
We all want to be strong like a bear, we want to have a sharp sight like a falcon, the intelligence like an owl, the endurance like a horse, we want to sing like a skylark, we want to be running like a fox and of course we all want to have the salivas like a dragon lizard.
Whats the similarity between getting a bl*wjob from an 80 year old and walking the tightrope ?
In both cases you really dont want to look down !
Q: What do you call a blonde at a golf course?
A: The 19th hole.
Roses are red
violets are blue.
My dick has glue
I offer it to you.
Yo momma's clitoris is as long as my dick.
There are an older brother and a younger sister.
The sister went to the bathroom while the brother was in the bathroom.
The sister asks the brother if she could play with his dick and he says yeah.
A few weeks later there was a big storm and the sister goes to the brother's room and asked the brother if she could play with Mr.Cuddles he says no.
Then the sister said that she would tell on him so a little pissed of he says yes.
After a while, the parents hear a scream.
They rush to the brother's room and asks the sister what happened she said "Mr.Cuddles spat on me so I bit his head off."