My 1st time having sex. I suddenly stopped and didn't move.
She: "What are you doing?"
Me: "I've seen this on YouPorn, it's called Buffering.
Q: What do you get when you cross a elephant with a witch?
A: I don’t know but she will need a very large broom!
My girlfriend always calls me a pedophile, and all I can think is "Wow that is a big word for a nine year old."
Listening to censored hip-hop is like going to a whore for a hug.
Q: Why did the lumber truck stop?
A: To let the lumber jack off.
Chuck Norris sleeps with every woman on the planet once a month... and they bleed for a week.
Whats the similarity between getting a bl*wjob from an 80 year old and walking the tightrope ?
In both cases you really dont want to look down !
Sure, I love to cook, but that doesn't mean I'm against eating out.
Q. What do a toilet and a woman have in common?
A. Without the hole in the middle they aren't good for shit.
A guy picks up a pr*stitute and proceeds to spend a couple of hours with her at a seedy motel.
A few days later, he finds that he has caught crabs.
He chases down the prostitute and says, "hey bitch, you gave me crabs".
She replies, "what'd you expect for ten bucks? Lobster?"