The best dirty jokes

My girlfriend always calls me a pedophile, and all I can think is "Wow that is a big word for a nine year old."
Vote: has 56.57 % from 58 votes. Send joke:
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Patient: "I’m in a hospital! Why am I in here?" Doctor: "You’ve had an accident involving a bus." Patient: "What happened?" Doctor: "Well, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?" Patient: "Give me the bad news first." Doctor: "Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them." Patient: "That’s terrible! What’s the good news?" Doctor: "There’s a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your slippers."
Vote: has 56.50 % from 42 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, doctor, hospital
When Viagra first came out my wife and I decided to give it a go to see what all the fuss was about. I popped the pill and waited the 15 minutes and then it was on for young and old. We timed the performance to the minute and it all finally subsided at 3 hours and 17 minutes. I asked the missus what she thought and she simply stated that she couldn't understand what all the hype was about for an extra 17 minutes...
Vote: has 56.50 % from 42 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, sex, time, viagra, wife
Listening to censored hip-hop is like going to a whore for a hug.
Vote: has 56.31 % from 68 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, music
Q: What did the prick say to the balls? A: You guys hang around here while I go inside!
Vote: has 56.22 % from 47 votes. Send joke:
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Q: Why did the lumber truck stop? A: To let the lumber jack off.
Vote: has 56.20 % from 39 votes. Send joke:
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Chuck Norris is the only known mammal in history to have an opposable thumb. On his penis.
Vote: has 56.05 % from 28 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, dirty, history
Sure, I love to cook, but that doesn't mean I'm against eating out.
Vote: has 55.91 % from 44 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, food
Q. What do a toilet and a woman have in common? A. Without the hole in the middle they aren't good for shit.
Vote: has 55.91 % from 44 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, women
Girl: "Do you believe in puppy love?" Boy: "I tried it once, but their assholes are too small."
Vote: has 55.87 % from 36 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, dirty, dog, love, sex


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