The best disgusting jokes

Take a squirt gun into the rest room stall next to someone and shoot little drops over the wall every couple of seconds while pretending to pee.
Vote: has 68.45 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: April fools, disgusting
Q: How many hipsters does it take to flush a toilet? A: You can't touch that toilet, it's art.
Vote: has 68.45 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, hipster
Bob walks into a public bathroom and notices a guy with no arms standing next to a urinal. As Bob takes care of his business, he wonders how the poor soul is going to take a leak. Bob finishes and heads for the door, but figures he should ask the man if he needs help. "Oh yes please!?" the man cries. "You have a kind heart, sir," says the man with no arms. But as Bob goes ahead, unzips the man, and pulls his willy out, he encounters all kinds of mold, red bumps, moles, scabs, scars, and other unpleasant-looking things. The armless man asks Bob to kindly point it... then shake it, put it back and zip it. So Bob, gathers his courage, shuts his eyes and does so. "Thank you very much, sir!" says the armless man. "No problem," says Bob "but what the hell is wrong with your penis?" The guy pulls pulls his arms out of his shirt and says "I don't know, but I ain't touching it!"
Vote: has 67.89 % from 40 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: business, disgusting
There was a vampire who sucked people's blood for many centuries. God was very angry at the vampire and said to him, "You're going to hell!" The vampire fell to his knees and said, "God, I beg of you, give me one more chance to be good." God agreed. Then the vampire said, "I want to be light, fluffy, and white like a cloud." "That seems easy enough," replied God. "I would also like to have wings like an angel." "OK," replied God. Since God had said yes to all his requests, the vampire decided to ask for a very greedy request. "God, if possible, could you let me suck a little blood?" "Sure," replied God, "but only once a month." And he turned the vampire into a maxi pad with wings.
Vote: has 67.69 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, god
Q: What did one gay sperm say to the other gay sperm? A: "How are we supposed to find an egg in all this sh*t?"
Vote: has 67.68 % from 62 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, gay
One man says, "I can't believe they are still together after all that crap." The other man says, "Who?" The first man says, "Your butt cheeks."
Vote: has 67.15 % from 39 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting
Mommy, mommy, I don't want to visit grandma today! "Shut up and keep digging, boy."
Vote: has 66.96 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting
Two men work in a mortuary. One says to another, "You should see that woman they brought in today. She'd been in the water for a week. Her clit was like a pickle." "Ew!" says the other fellow. "It was green?" "No, it was sour!"
Vote: has 66.81 % from 241 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, women, work
Jeremy and Kris walk down the street and see a dog licking himself. Jeremy says, "Man, I wish I could do that!" Kris replies, "I think you'd have to pet him first."
Vote: has 66.71 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting
One day, a man was fishing on a dock across from a hotel in the country, when another man came and sat down. By way of conversation, the man asked the other what he was doing there. "I'm on a honeymoon." "Oh. Shouldn't you be having sex with your wife?" "Well, I would be. But she has a yeast infection." "What about oral sex?" "Gingivitis." "Anal sex?" "Diarrhea." "Pardon my question, but why are you with her?" "Well, I like fishing. And she's got worms."
Vote: has 66.64 % from 42 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, fish, holiday, sex, wife