The best disgusting jokes

Mommy, mommy, I don't want to visit grandma today! "Shut up and keep digging, boy."
Vote: has 63.22 % from 31 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting
A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the window. A few minutes later, a big, heavy, strong, mean-looking, hulking guy plops down in the seat next to him and immediately falls asleep.  The little guy starts to feel a little airsick, but he's afraid to wake the big guy up to ask if he can go to the toilet. He knows he can't climb over him, and so the little guy is sitting there, looking at the big guy, trying to decide what to do. Suddenly, the plane hits an air pocket and an uncontrollable wave of nausea passes through the little guy. He can't hold it in any longer and he pukes all over the big guy's chest. About five minutes later the big guy wakes up, looks down, and sees the vomit all over him. "So," says the little guy, "are you feeling better now?"
Vote: has 63.17 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: airplane, disgusting, travel
Dan staggers into the shower. He notices that his d**k is bright orange. He feels normal, but he's concerned and goes to the doctor. After a thorough examination, the doctor says, "You seem to be fine and all of the tests are normal. Did you do anything out of the ordinary over the weekend?" Dan says, "No. All I did was stay home, watch porno movies and eat Cheetos."
Vote: has 63.00 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, doctor, masturbation
What do you call an incestuous nephew? An aunt-eater.
Vote: has 62.61 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting
A man walks into a bar one day and asks the bartender if he knows a man named Two Guns Gonzales. The bartender says no but he tells him that the man in the back named No Guns knows him. So the guy walks to the back of the bar and asks the man if he knows a guy named Two Guns Gonzales. The man says, "Let me tell you a story... One day about a week ago, I was riding into town on my horse and this large man with two guns comes riding up to me and says, "Get off your horse." Well, Two Guns has two guns and No Guns has no guns, what could I do? I get off my horse. Then he says, "Now drop your pants." Well, Two Guns has two guns and No Guns has no guns, what could I do? I take off my pants. Then he says, "Now s**t." Well Two Guns has two guns and No Guns has no guns, what could I do? I s**t. Then he says, "Now eat it." Well Two Guns has two guns and No Guns has no guns, what could I do? I eat it. Now, Two Guns is laughing so hard, he drops his guns! I grab them! Now I say, "Drop your pants." Well Two Guns has no guns and No Guns has two guns, what could he do? He drops his pants. Then I say, "Now s**t." Well Two Guns has no guns and No Guns has two guns, what could he do? He s**ts. Then I say, "Now eat it." Well Two Guns has no guns and No Guns has two guns, what could he do? He eats it. So when you ask me if I know a man named Two Guns Gonzales, the answer is yes: I had lunch with him last week."
Vote: has 62.30 % from 43 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, bar, bartender, disgusting
Q: How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg? A: Pick it up and suck it's dick.
Vote: has 62.22 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting
Yo mama is so stinky that she scared the fly's off the shit wagonrn.
Vote: has 62.22 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, insulting, Yo mama
Q: What's the similarity between a woman and dog poop? A: The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.
Vote: has 62.14 % from 30 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, disgusting, women
Say, "Do I smell popcorn?" right after you fart. So everybody takes a big whiff.
Vote: has 61.89 % from 33 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting
A guy gets out of the V.D. Hospital and decides to a hire a hooker, since he's been without for so long. Before long, he brings one home, and they have sex four times. After it's over, he turns to her and tells her he hasn't had sex in four months because of being in the V.D. Hospital. "How's the food there?" asks the hooker. "Because I'm going in there tomorrow!"
Vote: has 61.63 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, food, hospital, sex