Q: How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg?
A: Pick it up and suck it's dick.
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What did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?
See ya next month.
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Q: What do Michael Jackson and Santa have in common?
A: After a night of visiting children, they both have empty sacks.
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What is the difference between a blonde and a toilet?
After you use a toilet it doesn't follow you around for three days.
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Three little old ladies were sitting on a park bench when a flasher came by in only an overcoat and opened it as wide as it could go.
The first little old lady had a stroke, the second little old lady also had a stroke, but the third little old lady couldn't reach.
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A woman finds out that her husband is cheating on her, so she decides to leave him a present.
When he gets home, he finds an empty house, a bowl of cookies, and a video.
He scarfs down the cookies, and pops in the video.
On TV, he sees his wife sucking his best friend's d**k.
He comes in her mouth, and she immediately spits the jizz into a bowl of cookie dough.
Then she turns to the camera.
"Oh, hello, I want a divorce."
Two cannibals are eating dinner and one says, "I hate my mother-in-law."
The other replies, "Well, just eat your noodles, then."
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One day a miserable toothbrush sits down and says, "Sometimes I feel I have the worst job in the world."
Then the toilet paper yells, "Think again buddy!"
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Sperm 1: How much longer tell we get to the egg?
Sperm 2: We've still got a long way to go. We're only half way down the esophagus.
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Say, "Do I smell popcorn?" right after you fart.
So everybody takes a big whiff.
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