Two cannibals are eating dinner and one says, "I hate my mother-in-law."
The other replies, "Well, just eat your noodles, then."
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Say, "Do I smell popcorn?" right after you fart.
So everybody takes a big whiff.
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What is the difference between a blonde and a toilet?
After you use a toilet it doesn't follow you around for three days.
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A woman finds out that her husband is cheating on her, so she decides to leave him a present.
When he gets home, he finds an empty house, a bowl of cookies, and a video.
He scarfs down the cookies, and pops in the video.
On TV, he sees his wife sucking his best friend's d**k.
He comes in her mouth, and she immediately spits the jizz into a bowl of cookie dough.
Then she turns to the camera.
"Oh, hello, I want a divorce."
Q: Why did the bald man cut holes in his pockets?
A: He wanted to run his fingers through his hair.
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A guy gets out of the V.D.
Hospital and decides to a hire a hooker, since he's been without for so long.
Before long, he brings one home, and they have sex four times.
After it's over, he turns to her and tells her he hasn't had sex in four months because of being in the V.D. Hospital.
"How's the food there?" asks the hooker.
"Because I'm going in there tomorrow!"
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What did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?
See ya next month.
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Why did President Clinton name his dog Buddy instead of Spot?
Because he didn't want people running around the White House saying, "come Spot, come Spot!"
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Malcolm: Miss Wilson can I go to the loo?
Miss Wilson: In two minutes Malcolm. Do your alphabet first.
Malcolm: Ok Miss Wilson. abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz.
Miss Wilson: Very good, Malcolm, but where's the p?
Malcolm: Miss, it's running down my leg!
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Two cannibals just got their hands on a corpse.
One says to the other, "I'll start at the head, you start at the feet."
They start to eat, and after awhile the one at the head yells to the other one, "Hey, how's it going?"
The other replies, "I'm having a ball!"
Getting mad, the one at the head yells, "Dammit, slow down, you're eating too fast!"
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