The best disgusting jokes

Mommy, mommy, I don't want to visit grandma today! "Shut up and keep digging, boy."

Q: How can you tell if you're in a gay church? A: Only half the congregation is kneeling.

If there are two people in an elevator and one of them farts everybody knows who did it.

Never hold in a fart; that's something an asshole would do.

What's gross? Farting in the bathtub. What's grosser than that? Catching the bubbles with your teeth.

A man walks into a bar one day and asks the bartender if he knows a man named Two Guns Gonzales. The bartender says no but he tells him that the man in the back named No Guns knows him. So the guy walks to the back of the bar and asks the man if he knows a guy named Two Guns Gonzales. The man says, "Let me tell you a story... One day about a week ago, I was riding into town on my horse and this large man with two guns comes riding up to me and says, "Get off your horse." Well, Two Guns has two guns and No Guns has no guns, what could I do? I get off my horse. Then he says, "Now drop your pants." Well, Two Guns has two guns and No Guns has no guns, what could I do? I take off my pants. Then he says, "Now s**t." Well Two Guns has two guns and No Guns has no guns, what could I do? I s**t. Then he says, "Now eat it." Well Two Guns has two guns and No Guns has no guns, what could I do? I eat it. Now, Two Guns is laughing so hard, he drops his guns! I grab them! Now I say, "Drop your pants." Well Two Guns has no guns and No Guns has two guns, what could he do? He drops his pants. Then I say, "Now s**t." Well Two Guns has no guns and No Guns has two guns, what could he do? He s**ts. Then I say, "Now eat it." Well Two Guns has no guns and No Guns has two guns, what could he do? He eats it. So when you ask me if I know a man named Two Guns Gonzales, the answer is yes: I had lunch with him last week."

A little nine year old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill. "Mommy" she said "Can we leave now?" "No" her mother replied. "Well, I think I have to throw up!" "Then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush." In about two minutes the little girl returned to her seat. "Did you throw up?" her mother asked. "Yes" the little girl replied. "Well, how could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and return so quickly?" "I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy" the little girl replied, "They have a box next to the front door that says 'for the sick'."

Birdie, birdie in the sky Dropped some white stuff in my eye, I'm a big girl I won't cry, I'm just glad that cows don't fly.

I dont understand why people say sex is good in the shower. How do you guys not get your laptop wet?

While grocery shopping, a single man comes across toilet brushes. "Wow! What a great idea," he thinks to himself and buys three of them. Two weeks later, however, he goes back to using toilet paper.