What did the mother vampire say to her daughter when she picked up a tampon? "Honey, no in-between meal snacks!"
What do gays call hemorrhoids ? Speed bumps.
Q. What do you call two lesbians with their period? A. Finger painting.
How do you make a dead baby float? Take your foot off of it’s head.
The bartender looks a little worried, but asks him what would he like. "A cup of boiled water please" "Water? I thought you guys drank blood" "Today I was in the mood for tea", says the vampire while taking out a tampon.
"Hey Jaeger, are you enjoying that apple?" "Sure, why do you ask." "I was going to offer you some toast." "How kind of... I'll accept." "Great, but what's toast without any butter Jaeger." "You're right about that!" "Well give me a few seconds, let me go scrape some off of your mother's teeth!"
What's black, smells and has 17 tits? The bin bags outside the breast cancer ward.
What's funner then nailing bin Laden to a tree? Feeding his lifeless corpse into a meat grinder.
A guy sees a classified ad that says "Will give Blow Job while singing the Star Spangled Banner at the same time." The guys thinks to himself that it sounds interesting and unbelievable, and so decides to pay her a visit. She lets him in and says that the lights have to be off. So she turns the light off and starts sucking his dick. All of a sudden he hears the Star Spangled Banner, clear as day. He really wants to know how she is doing this so he flips on the lights. All he sees on the floor is a glass eye.
Q: What do you call someone who doesn't fart in public? A: A private tooter.