What's the difference between a dead baby and a table? You can't fuck a table.
The bartender looks a little worried, but asks him what would he like. "A cup of boiled water please" "Water? I thought you guys drank blood" "Today I was in the mood for tea", says the vampire while taking out a tampon.
Q: Why did the cowboy have sh*t in his mustache? A: Cuz he'd been lookin for love in all the wrong places.
Q: Did you hear about the depressed proctologist? A: He's been feeling down in the dumps.
What's the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator? When you take sausage out of the fridge it doesn't fart.
An asp in the grass is a snake, but a grasp in the ass is a goose.
Q: What do you call a Shih-Tzu mixed with a poodle? A: A Shih-Tzpoo.
Q: What do Rodney King and Nicole Simpson have in common? A: They just didn't listen
Q: Why are men like diapers? A: They are always on your ass and full of sh*t, and thankfully, they're disposable.
Q: What's brown and in the military? A: Gomer's pile.