Some advice for guys: When the red river's flowin', take the dirt road.
What is the difference between a fridge and a kid? A fridge doesn't shout when you put your meat inside it.
Q: What did Jeffrey Dahmer do after dumping his boyfriend? A: He wiped.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the water? Bob. On the wall? Art. On the floor? Matt.
A pollock walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist if he sells condoms. We have some for 75 cents a peace. The man asks for two. The pharmacist calculates the total and says, "That will be $1.58 with tax, sir." The pollock says, "Oh, these come with tacks? I was wondering how you keep them on."
Q: What's the difference between an epyleptic oyster shucker and a prostitute with diahrrea? A: One shucks between fits.
Your fart's so loud, astronauts in space mistook your fart for a message from Houston!
What’s the difference between a dead baby and an onion. You don’t cry when you chop up a dead baby.
When you're neckin' with yer honey And your nose is kinda runny You might think it's funny... But it's not.
What's red and lies in all four corners of the room? A baby that's been playing with a chainsaw.