Some advice for guys: When the red river's flowin', take the dirt road.
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What is the difference between a fridge and a kid?
A fridge doesn't shout when you put your meat inside it.
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Q: What did Jeffrey Dahmer do after dumping his boyfriend?
A: He wiped.
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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the water? Bob.
On the wall? Art.
On the floor? Matt.
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A pollock walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist if he sells condoms.
We have some for 75 cents a peace.
The man asks for two.
The pharmacist calculates the total and says, "That will be $1.58 with tax, sir."
The pollock says, "Oh, these come with tacks? I was wondering how you keep them on."
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Q: What's the difference between an epyleptic oyster shucker and a prostitute with diahrrea?
A: One shucks between fits.
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Your fart's so loud, astronauts in space mistook your fart for a message from Houston!
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What’s the difference between a dead baby and an onion.
You don’t cry when you chop up a dead baby.
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When you're neckin' with yer honey
And your nose is kinda runny
You might think it's funny...
But it's not.
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What's red and lies in all four corners of the room?
A baby that's been playing with a chainsaw.
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