Your fart's so loud, astronauts in space mistook your fart for a message from Houston!
There was a vampire who walked into a vampire bar and asked the bartender for a glass of hot water. The bartender asked what for, because everyone else was drinking blood. The vampire pulled out a bloody tampon and said "TEA TIME!"
Boy Monster: Did you get the big red heart I sent you for Valentine's? Girl Monster: Yes, I did. Thank you. Boy Monster: Is it still beating?
What is the difference between a fridge and a kid? A fridge doesn't shout when you put your meat inside it.
What's the difference between a baby and a grandmother? Grandmothers don't die when you fuck them up the ass.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the water? Bob. On the wall? Art. On the floor? Matt.
How do you know if Dr. Dre has a high sperm count? Eminem has to chew before swallowing.
Q: Why does a dog lick himself? A: He can't make a fist.
Q: What do women and cats have in common? A: Pussy farts.
What’s funnier than a dead baby? A dead baby in a clown costume!