What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the water? Bob.
On the wall? Art.
On the floor? Matt.
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Q: What's brown and in the military?
A: Gomer's pile.
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A pollock walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist if he sells condoms.
We have some for 75 cents a peace.
The man asks for two.
The pharmacist calculates the total and says, "That will be $1.58 with tax, sir."
The pollock says, "Oh, these come with tacks? I was wondering how you keep them on."
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What is the difference between a fridge and a kid?
A fridge doesn't shout when you put your meat inside it.
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Five men and one woman wash up on a desert island after a shipwreck.
Before long they are all getting pretty horny so they all make a deal.
Each man will marry the woman for one week at a time, at which point the next man in line will marry her and so on.
All the men get sex every five weeks and the woman gets sex as often as she wants with a different man each week.
The situation works wonderfully for five years.
When the woman suddenly dies...
The first week after wasn't too bad.
The second week was geting sort of bad.
The third week was getting pretty bad.
The fourth week was really bad.
The fifth week was horrible!
By the sixth week it was unbearable... so they buried her.
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Your fart's so loud, astronauts in space mistook your fart for a message from Houston!
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When you're neckin' with yer honey
And your nose is kinda runny
You might think it's funny...
But it's not.
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What's red and lies in all four corners of the room?
A baby that's been playing with a chainsaw.
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What’s the difference between a dead baby and an onion.
You don’t cry when you chop up a dead baby.
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A guy sees a classified ad that says "Will give Blow Job while singing the Star Spangled Banner at the same time."
The guys thinks to himself that it sounds interesting and unbelievable, and so decides to pay her a visit.
She lets him in and says that the lights have to be off.
So she turns the light off and starts sucking his dick.
All of a sudden he hears the Star Spangled Banner, clear as day.
He really wants to know how she is doing this so he flips on the lights.
All he sees on the floor is a glass eye.
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