Boy Monster: Did you get the big red heart I sent you for Valentine's?
Girl Monster: Yes, I did. Thank you.
Boy Monster: Is it still beating? 
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When you're neckin' with yer honey
And your nose is kinda runny
You might think it's funny...
But it's not.
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I hope the children will never find out why I say "oops..." so often when I vacuum their rooms.
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What’s funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown costume!
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Q: What do you call a Puerto Rican midget?
A: A spec.
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Q: What's brown and in the military?
A: Gomer's pile.
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What's red and lies in all four corners of the room?
A baby that's been playing with a chainsaw.
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Q: What do Rodney King and Nicole Simpson have in common?
A: They just didn't listen
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A fellow always wanted to own a pet skunk, so in the dead of winter, he took his girlfriend with him to go hunting for one.
After a bit of waiting, they bagged a skunk and brought him back to the truck.
The skunk was very scared and very cold, so the guy asks his girlfriend if she can keep the skunk between her legs to keep him warm.
"But what about the smell?" asks his girlfriend.
"Oh, he'll get used to it, just like I did."
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A man jumps off a building at the same time that another man pisses.
Which hits the ground first?
The piss, because nobody beats the Wiz!
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