The best disgusting jokes

Q: How do you piss off a man? A: Stand on his back and piss.
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has 37.61 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, mean, men
Q: Why did the cowboy have sh*t in his mustache? A: Cuz he'd been lookin for love in all the wrong places.
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has 36.90 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: cowboy, disgusting
What did the mother vampire say to her daughter when she picked up a tampon? "Honey, no in-between meal snacks!"
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has 36.90 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, food
Five men and one woman wash up on a desert island after a shipwreck. Before long they are all getting pretty horny so they all make a deal. Each man will marry the woman for one week at a time, at which point the next man in line will marry her and so on. All the men get sex every five weeks and the woman gets sex as often as she wants with a different man each week. The situation works wonderfully for five years. When the woman suddenly dies... The first week after wasn't too bad. The second week was geting sort of bad. The third week was getting pretty bad. The fourth week was really bad. The fifth week was horrible! By the sixth week it was unbearable... so they buried her.
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has 36.78 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: desert island, disgusting, marriage, time, women
Q: Why does a dog lick himself? A: He can't make a fist.
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has 36.51 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal, disgusting
Q: What do you call a Shih-Tzu mixed with a poodle? A: A Shih-Tzpoo.
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has 36.51 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: disgusting
In the year 3000, animals rule the Earth; they talk and drive sportscars. An owl enters a psychologist's office. The psychologist says to the owl, "What is your problem?" The owl replies, "I always sleep at night and am awake during the day. I am an owl and we usually are awake during the night." The psychologist tells the owl to come back in two days to solve his problem, as he is very busy. The next night, a cat comes in. He says, "I always sleep during the day. Like my friends, I want to sleep during the night. Can you help?" The psychologist advises the cat to come back in one day, as he is very busy. The next day, the cat comes very, very, very early for his appointment and ends up at the same time as the owl. The cat is told to wait outside. He peeks in the owl's appointment and figures out his problem... and his address! During the next evening, when the owl usually comes in for his appointment, the cat comes in. The psychologist asks the cat why he is here instead of the owl. The cat replies, "He is here!" and poops on the floor, explaining, "I was sent to deliver him."
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has 36.46 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: animal, car, cat, disgusting, time
"Hey Jaeger, are you enjoying that apple?" "Sure, why do you ask." "I was going to offer you some toast." "How kind of... I'll accept." "Great, but what's toast without any butter Jaeger." "You're right about that!" "Well give me a few seconds, let me go scrape some off of your mother's teeth!"
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has 36.23 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, food, time
What do you if you're trapped inside a whale? Run round and round till you're all pooped out!
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has 35.66 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: animal, disgusting
I hope the children will never find out why I say "oops..." so often when I vacuum their rooms.
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has 35.37 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: dirty, disgusting, kids, masturbation
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