Joke #5881

What's black, smells and has 17 tits? The bin bags outside the breast cancer ward.

At the scene of a terrible road accident, a guy is laying sprawled out on the road, seemingly stone dead. The rescue workers are all around him, but can do nothing to resuscitate him. Suddenly, a young woman in a short miniskirt forces her way through the crowd. "Let me at him, I can help him," she says. "What can you do?" ask the rescue people. "We've tried everything to revive him, and it's too late." "I can," says the woman. "Stand back!" And she promptly takes off her panties, and crouches with her crotch over the man's face. Suddenly, the man coughs, splutters, and sits up. "What did you do?" ask the rescue people, amazed. The woman says, "Blood Transfusion."

Q: What's the difference between a brown-noser and a sh*thead? A: Depth perception.

One day a guy and a girl were making out in her parents' bedroom, and it was getting pretty steamy. All of a sudden, the guy takes out his shlong and places it in her hand. She screams and runs downstairs, through the kitchen, through the living room, the bathroom, the dining room, back upstairs, through her bedroom, her bathroom, her sister's bedroom, down the hall and back into her parents' bedroom. "Listen, pal! I have two words for you -- DROP DEAD!" "I have two words for you -- LET GO!"

How do you f*ck a fat chick? Roll her in flour and find the wet spot.

Q: Who is brave? A: He who has diarrhea and wants to fart!

Q: Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms? A: They keep falling through the holes in his hands.

What did the mother vampire say to her daughter when she picked up a tampon? "Honey, no in-between meal snacks!"

What is the last thing to go through a bug's mind when it hits your windshield? It's ass.

Q: What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife? A: A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.

Q: What's the difference between apple pie and pussy? A: You can eat Granmas apple pie.