What's black, smells and has 17 tits?
The bin bags outside the breast cancer ward.
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One day a miserable toothbrush sits down and says, "Sometimes I feel I have the worst job in the world."
Then the toilet paper yells, "Think again buddy!"
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An eagle swoops down from the sky and eats a mouse.
Three hours later, while the eagle is flying, the mouse sticks its head out of the eagle's butt and asks, "How high up are we?"
"About 2,000 feet," the eagle replies.
The mouse replies, "You ain't sh*ttin' me, are you?"
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A young, innocent couple goes on their honeymoon.
They get naked and jump into bed, but neither knows what to do.
Eventually, they decide to rub their noses together.
After awhile, they decide to rub their toes together.
Finally, they begin to rub their hips together.
Suddenly, the man jumps up and runs to the bathroom.
After several minutes, he returns to the bedroom, looking scared.
"What happened?" asks his bride.
"I don't know," he replies, "but something curdled my urine!"
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Q: What did Jeffrey Dahmer do after dumping his boyfriend?
A: He wiped.
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What is the difference between a fridge and a kid?
A fridge doesn't shout when you put your meat inside it.
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Q: Did you hear about the couple that "96ed?"
A: After they "69ed" they rolled over and sh*t in each other's hair.
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Three old men were sitting on a porch.
"I wish I could take a healthy piss," said one.
"I wish I could take a healthy crap," said another.
"I can take a crap at 6 AM and a piss at 11 AM. I just wish I could get up before noon."
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One roomate said to another, “Man, this morning I woke up with white crud around my mouth!”
The other roomate said, “Oh, that's my fault, I guess I missed!”
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Q: What's the difference between a brown-noser and a sh*thead?
A: Depth perception.
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How is parsley like pubic hair?
You push it aside to eat, and sometimes it gets stuck between your teeth after meals.
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