One night my mother in law came to our home. In the middle of the night suddenly I was awakened by a horrible sound from WC. She farted. I was so angry that shouted and said: "Your food is under your feet and your weapons are complete get out and go to fight with ISIS!"
Q: Which of the following doesn't belong: wife, meat, eggs, blowjob? A: The blowjob. You can beat your wife, your eggs, or your meat; but you just can't beat a blowjob.
Little Johnny comes home one day and says, "Mom! Little Mark next door has a penis like a peanut!" "What do you mean, Johnny? Is it shaped like a peanut?" "No," says Johnny. "It's salty."
Dan staggers into the shower. He notices that his d**k is bright orange. He feels normal, but he's concerned and goes to the doctor. After a thorough examination, the doctor says, "You seem to be fine and all of the tests are normal. Did you do anything out of the ordinary over the weekend?" Dan says, "No. All I did was stay home, watch porno movies and eat Cheetos."
Q: Why did the gay man get fired from his job at the sperm bank? A: Drinking on the job.
Little Red Riding Hood went to her grandma's house and found her laying in bed. Little Red Riding Hood said, "Grandma, what big eyes you have!" Grandma: "The better to see you with, my dear." Little Red Riding Hood: "Grandma, what big ears you have!" Grandma: "The better to hear you with, my dear." Little Red Riding Hood: "Grandma, what a big mouth you have!" Grandma: "Of course I do, have you seen Grandpa's d**k?!"
When I reached bus stop I saw a pretty blonde who was gazing me. First I supposed perhaps she loves me so I also watched her and twinkled her. Then I understood she has farted and is looking me in order whether I would feel or not.
On a senior citizens bus tour, while the passengers were unloading to do some sightseeing, one elderly lady stopped and whispered in the driver's ear. She said, "Driver, I believe that I was sexually harassed!" The driver didn't think much of her complaint, but promised he would check into it soon. Later, that same day, as the passengers were unloading again, a second little old lady bent down and whispered in his ear, "Sir, I believe I was sexually harassed!" This time, he figured he'd better look into it. A few passengers had remained on the bus, and he decided to go back and question them, to find out if they knew what was going on. He found one little old man crawling along the bus floor beneath the seats and stooped down to question him. "Excuse me sir, could I help you?" The elderly man looked up and said, "Well, sonny you sure can. I've lost my toupee and I'm trying to find it..." The man continued, "I thought I'd located it twice, but they were parted in the middle, and mine is parted on the side!"
Little Red Riding Hood walks through the forest and sees a wolf hunched under a tree with its ears erect and its mouth stretched in a big grimace. She says to the wolf, "My, what big ears you have!" The wolf keeps grimacing. She says, "My, what big eyes you have!" The wolf grimaces even wider, baring his teeth. She says, "My, what big teeth you have!" The wolf finally snaps and says, "F**k off! I'm trying to take a dump."
Two gay men, Paul and Tom, were making love one night, and had just finished when Paul decided he was going to freshen up in the shower. Tom was laying there thinking about how wonderful Paul was, when he decided he was going to join him in the shower. When Tom got into the bathroom, he opened up the shower curtain and the first thing he saw was a large cumshot on the wall. He wailed to Tom, "I can't believe you! We just finish making love and you come in here and jack-off!" Paul looks at the wall and says "What are you talkng about? I wasn't jacking-off, I farted!"