The best disgusting jokes

As she lay there dozing next to me a voice inside my head kept saying, "Relax, you are not the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients." But another voice kept saying, "Howard, you are a veterinarian."
Vote: has 72.07 % from 484 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: disgusting, doctor, sex
How did Captain Hook die? He wiped his bum with the wrong hand!
Vote: has 72.04 % from 33 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: death, disgusting, pirate
Little Johnny comes home one day and says, "Mom! Little Mark next door has a penis like a peanut!" "What do you mean, Johnny? Is it shaped like a peanut?" "No," says Johnny. "It's salty."
Vote: has 72.01 % from 178 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: disgusting, gay, little Johnny
There was this guy who was sick,so he went to the doctor. The doc ran some tests and sent him home with some medicine. The next day the doctor called and the wife answered. "I'm going to need to run a few more tests", the doctor said. "I'm going to need a semen, urine and a fecal sample". After she hung up the husband asked, "What did the doctor say?" "He needs a pair of your underwear".
Vote: has 71.97 % from 89 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: disgusting, doctor, drug, husband, wife
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
Vote: has 71.97 % from 42 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: business, Chuck Norris, disgusting
Two gay men, Paul and Tom, were making love one night, and had just finished when Paul decided he was going to freshen up in the shower. Tom was laying there thinking about how wonderful Paul was, when he decided he was going to join him in the shower. When Tom got into the bathroom, he opened up the shower curtain and the first thing he saw was a large cumshot on the wall. He wailed to Tom, "I can't believe you! We just finish making love and you come in here and jack-off!" Paul looks at the wall and says "What are you talkng about? I wasn't jacking-off, I farted!"
Vote: has 71.86 % from 177 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: disgusting, fart, gay, love, sex
You would think that taking off a snail's shell would make it move faster, but it actually just makes it more sluggish.
Vote: has 71.85 % from 13 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, disgusting, travel
regular ass (_!_) fat ass (__!__) tight ass (!) flat ass (_._) bubble ass (_^_) sore ass (_*_) lop-sided ass (_!__) swishy ass {_!_} surprised ass (_o_) ass that's been around (_O_) kiss my ass (_x_) leave my ass alone (_X_) tired ass (_zzz_) wise ass (_o^o_) unlucky ass (_13_) money out the ass (_$_) dumb ass (_?_)
Vote: has 71.67 % from 88 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: disgusting, fart
"Doctor, I have a problem..." "What’s your problem?" "I pee in my sleep, every night!" "Why?" "Oh, well... Every night, a little devil visits me in my sleep and asks me; “Did we pee today?”. "And, that’s it? The solution is so simple.. Listen to me! If the little devil comes again you’re gonna answer; 'Yeah, dude, I did!'" "And that will cut it off?" "Sure! Like a knife!" At night, the little devil showed up on the patient’s dream and whispered; "Did we pee today?" "Yeah, dude, I did!" said angry the guy. And little devil replied: "What about poop?"
Vote: has 71.64 % from 63 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: disgusting, doctor
A cowboy rides his horse up to a saloon. All the patrons gawked as the cowboy kissed his horse on the butt before coming in and asking for a drink. The bartender serves him and asks, "Mind if I ask why'd ya kiss your horse on the butt?" The cowboy says, "It's 'cause I got chapped lips." The bartender asks, "Does manure help them heal?" Cowboy replies, "No, but it keeps me from licking them."
Vote: has 71.52 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: disgusting