The best disgusting jokes

A vacuum salesman goes door-to-door in a new neighborhood. When a woman answers the door at the first house, the salesman walks right in and drops cow patties on her floor. He says, "Ma'am, just to show you how confident I am in the quality of my vacuums, I'll eat whatever the vacuum doesn't pick up." The woman smiles and asks, "Could I get you some ketchup with that?" The salesman scoffs confidently and says, "I assure you my vacuums have more power than any other on the market today!" The woman replies, "Well, that may be so, but we just moved in and the electricity isn't turned on yet."
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has 68.60 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: disgusting
Two cannibals are eating dinner and one says, "I hate my mother-in-law." The other replies, "Well, just eat your noodles, then."
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has 68.56 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, food, mother in law
A drunk sitting at a bar observes a very snobby woman participating in a wine tasting contest. She was very good at identifying the wine. At the first taste she says: "Cabernet Sauvignon, 1998" and all the people were amazed. At the 2nd try she answers "Cabernet Sauvignon, 1953" and they were once again amazed. Then the drunk pisses in a glass and hands it to her. She tries it and says "Yak, this tastes like piss!" And the drunk says, "Yeah, but what year was I born?"
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has 68.56 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, disgusting, drunk, wine, women
Josi frequently attends his church Bingo club, where every week a gag doorprize is given out. One week, Josi is presented with a toilet brush. "What the hell is this?" he asks the pastor. "Why, it's a toilet brush." "Ooh, I see," says Josi. A couple weeks later, the pastor jokingly asks Josi how the brush is working. "Well, it's okay, but I think I'll go back to using paper."
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has 68.56 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: church, disgusting, work
Q: What's the difference between hockey player and hippie girl? A: Hockey player will take shower after 3 periods.
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has 68.53 % from 86 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, sport
Q: How can you tell if a bank robber is gay? A: He ties up the safe and blows the guard.
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has 68.32 % from 89 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, gay
Birdie, birdie in the sky Dropped some white stuff in my eye, I'm a big girl I won't cry, I'm just glad that cows don't fly.
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has 68.29 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: animal, bird, disgusting, poems
After nine years of marriage, a butcher's wife is tired of her husband's morning flatulence. She warns him that he'll fart his guts out. One night, the wife decides to put pig scraps in his pants, so he will think that he actually farted his guts out and stop the flatulence. The next morning, the husband goes to the bathroom. Two long hours later, he comes out and says, "You were right about me farting my guts out. But with the grace of the dear Lord and these two fingers. I got them back in there!"
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has 68.14 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, husband, marriage, wife
An eagle swoops down from the sky and eats a mouse. Three hours later, while the eagle is flying, the mouse sticks its head out of the eagle's butt and asks, "How high up are we?" "About 2,000 feet," the eagle replies. The mouse replies, "You ain't sh*ttin' me, are you?"
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has 68.07 % from 99 votes. More jokes about: animal, disgusting
One man says, "I can't believe they are still together after all that crap." The other man says, "Who?" The first man says, "Your butt cheeks."
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has 68.01 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: disgusting
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