The best disgusting jokes

Three flies in a trashcan get trapped overnight in a bathroom. The first fly goes to the sink, the second fly stays in the tub, and the third fly chooses the toilet. The next morning, all the exhausted flies gather back in the garbage can. The first fly says, "I'm exhausted! I almost got washed down the drain." The second fly says, "I almost got squashed by feet in the shower!" The third fly says, "The toilet was fine until it suddenly got dark. First, I heard thunder, then it started to rain, and if it weren't for that big brown log, I surely would have drowned."
Vote: has 70.01 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting
Take a squirt gun into the rest room stall next to someone and shoot little drops over the wall every couple of seconds while pretending to pee.
Vote: has 69.96 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: April fools, disgusting
Q: How many hipsters does it take to flush a toilet? A: You can't touch that toilet, it's art.
Vote: has 69.96 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, hipster
Q: Why is it a bad idea for two butt cheeks to get married? A: Because they part for every little shit.
Vote: has 69.96 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, marriage
One day in the city a bus driver was making his usual stops. At the first stop a woman came to the front of the bus to get off. She turned to the bus driver and said, "I think I was just molested back there." The bus driver looked at her and said, "Not on my bus. You couldn't have been." So, he lets her off and drives on. He comes to the next stop and another woman comes to the front to get off. She, too, looks at the bus driver and says, "I think I was just molested back there." Now the bus driver thinks that something has to be wrong, to get two complaints like this in one day is just unheard of. He gets up out of his seat and goes to the back of the bus. To his surprise there is a bald guy crawling on the floor on his hands and knees. The bus driver says, "Sir, what are you doing?" The man looks at him and says, "I lost my toupee. I thought I found it twice, but I lost it again."
Vote: has 69.88 % from 47 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, women
Guy takes his wife to the Doctor... The Doc says, "Well, it's either Alzheimers disease or AIDS." "What do you mean?" The guy says, "You can't tell the difference?" "Yeah, the two look a lot alike in the early stages... Tell you what.. Drive her way out into the country, kick her out of the car, and if she finds her way back, don't fuck her."
Vote: has 69.73 % from 101 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, disgusting, doctor, wife
Did you hear about the man who took Viagra and a laxative at the same time? He didn't know if he was coming or going.
Vote: has 69.55 % from 30 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, viagra
I was having a shit in the train toilet today, when some bloke knocked on the door. He said, "Can I see your ticket please?" "Not right now" I shouted, "I'm having a shit!" He said, "I don't believe you, can you pass it under the door?" "No problem," I said, sliding it under. "The yellow bits are sweetcorn."
Vote: has 69.39 % from 34 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting
Q: What do you call a cow with no legs. A: Ground Beef!
Vote: has 69.31 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting
A woman finds out that her husband is cheating on her, so she decides to leave him a present. When he gets home, he finds an empty house, a bowl of cookies, and a video. He scarfs down the cookies, and pops in the video. On TV, he sees his wife sucking his best friend's d**k. He comes in her mouth, and she immediately spits the jizz into a bowl of cookie dough. Then she turns to the camera. "Oh, hello, I want a divorce."
Vote: has 69.31 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, divorce, food, husband, women