The best doctor jokes

Q: What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a dog have in common? A: Wet noses.
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has 59.75 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: dirty, doctor, dog
A man working with an electric saw accidentally saws off all 10 fingers. He rushes to the emergency room. The doctor says, "Give me the fingers and I'll see what I can do." "But I don't have the fingers!" "Why didn't you bring the fingers?!" asks the incredulous doctor. "Doc, I couldn't pick them up."
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has 59.19 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, doctor, work
Doctor: "What seems to be your trouble?" Patient: "When I get up I feel dizzy for one hour." Doctor: "Try getting up one hour later."
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has 59.19 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: doctor, health, life
Doctor (to an absent-minded patient): "What is wrong with you?" Patient: "I am losing my memory. Please prescribe some medicine." Doctor (Handing him the prescription after a while): "Here, Take this." Patient: "Why are you giving me this prescription? I am perfectly all right."
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has 59.19 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: doctor, drug, health, memory, old people
A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn’t been feeling well. The doctor examins him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills. The doctor says, "Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water." Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers, "Jeez doc, exactly what’s my problem?" The Doctor says, "You’re not drinking enough water."
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has 59.19 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: doctor, drug, life
Two boys have taken part in IQ tests at the well-known psychologist. The first boy has opened the door after 30 minutes of testing and has screamed: "wow, perfect, unbelievable, I have 60 points, I have 60 points!" After another 30 minutes has opened the door the second boy and has screamed: "wow, super, I have 62 points, I have 62 points!" They sat down and asked each other: "and what does it mean, that you have 60 points and I have 62 points? Let us ask the psychologist what does it mean?" The psychologist has said: "the 60 and 62 points means that you are both idiots."
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has 59.19 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: doctor, mean, stupid, time
Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian?  A: She liked kids...
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has 58.58 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: animal, blonde, doctor, kids
Patient: "I’m in a hospital! Why am I in here?" Doctor: "You’ve had an accident involving a bus." Patient: "What happened?" Doctor: "Well, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?" Patient: "Give me the bad news first." Doctor: "Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them." Patient: "That’s terrible! What’s the good news?" Doctor: "There’s a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your slippers."
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has 58.26 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: dirty, doctor, hospital
An old woman goes to the doctor's office. The doctor gives her a checkup and says, "I need to do stool, blood and urine tests." The woman says, "Well can I just leave my underwear? Bingo starts in half an hour."
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has 57.36 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, doctor, old people
A man walks into the doctors and the doctor says, "I've not seen you for a while." The man replies, "Yes, I've been ill."
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has 57.36 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: doctor, health, life
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