The best doctor jokes

A woman who was beaten black and blue, went to the doctor. Doctor: "What happened?" Woman: "Doctor, I don’t know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk, he beats me to a pulp." Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. Whenever your husband comes home inebriated, just take a glass of chamomile tea and start gargling with it. Just gargle and gargle." Two weeks later she returns to the doctor,and looks reborn and fresh again. Woman: "Doc, That was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I gargled with chamomile tea and gargled and nothing happened." Doctor: "You see how keeping your mouth shut helps!"
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has 61.10 % from 106 votes. More jokes about: doctor, drunk, husband, marriage, women
Patient: "May I have a glass of water, doctor." Doctor: "Are you thirsty?" Patient: "No… I just wanted to check whether my throat leaks."
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has 60.56 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: doctor, life
A man goes to the doctor. "Doctor, that medicine you gave me isn't working. Is there anything else I could try?". "Fill out this tax form," suggests the doctor. "How's that going to help me?", asks the man. "I'm not sure," replies the doctor, "but some of my patients say it gives them relief."
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has 60.56 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: doctor, medical, tax
An old woman goes to the doctor's office. The doctor gives her a checkup and says, "I need to do stool, blood and urine tests." The woman says, "Well can I just leave my underwear? Bingo starts in half an hour."
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has 60.16 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, doctor, old people
Doctor to woman: "What is the matter about your husband?" Woman: "He is worrying about MONEY." Doctor: "I think I can relieve him of that."
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has 60.15 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: doctor, husband, money
A man walked into the doctor's office and said: "Doc, I've eaten something that disagrees with me." A voice from his stomach replies: "No you haven't."
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has 59.93 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: doctor, men
What kind of doctor fixes broken websites? A URLologist.
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has 59.79 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: doctor, geek, internet, IT, technology
A man working with an electric saw accidentally saws off all 10 fingers. He rushes to the emergency room. The doctor says, "Give me the fingers and I'll see what I can do." "But I don't have the fingers!" "Why didn't you bring the fingers?!" asks the incredulous doctor. "Doc, I couldn't pick them up."
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has 59.19 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, doctor, work
Two boys have taken part in IQ tests at the well-known psychologist. The first boy has opened the door after 30 minutes of testing and has screamed: "wow, perfect, unbelievable, I have 60 points, I have 60 points!" After another 30 minutes has opened the door the second boy and has screamed: "wow, super, I have 62 points, I have 62 points!" They sat down and asked each other: "and what does it mean, that you have 60 points and I have 62 points? Let us ask the psychologist what does it mean?" The psychologist has said: "the 60 and 62 points means that you are both idiots."
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has 59.19 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: doctor, mean, stupid, time
After a long labour, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, "Ma'am, I've got some good news, and some bad news. What would you like?" After quickly thinking it over, she responds, "I'll have the bad news first doctor". The doctor replies, "We'll, I'm not sure how to put this, and I'm sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair". Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother face. "Doctor, if that's the bad news, what's the good news". The doctor replies, "He's dead".
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has 58.87 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, doctor, ginger
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