The best doctor jokes

A couple went to have their baby delivered... Upon arrival, the doctor said there is this new technology that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the baby's father, via a machine. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the pain transfer ratio to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. However as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband over and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point, they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him..... The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband both were ecstatic... When they reached home...The cook was lying dead in the kitchen!
Vote: has 52.83 % from 107 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, couple, doctor, marriage
Q: What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a dog have in common? A: Wet noses.
Vote: has 52.38 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, doctor, dog
A man told his doctor he wasn't able to do all the things around the house like he used to. When the examination was complete, he said "Now Doc, tell me in plain English what is wrong with me." "Well in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy." "Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."
Vote: has 52.29 % from 85 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, marriage, medical, wife, work
Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their physicals. During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that both of them possessed incredibly long, oversized penises. "How do you account for this?" he asked the brothers. "It's hereditary, sir," the older one replied. "I see," said the doctor, writing in his file. "Your father's the reason for your elongated penises?" "No sir, our mother." "Your mother? You idiot, women don't have penises!" "I know, sir," replied the recruit, "But she only had one arm, and when it came to getting us out of the bathtub, she had to manage as best she could."
Vote: has 52.23 % from 45 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, military, women
A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. The doctor gave him a thorough examination, found absolutely nothing physically wrong with him, and then told him, "Listen, if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your trouble to bed with you." "I know," said the man, "but I can’t. My wife refuses to sleep alone."
Vote: has 52.05 % from 96 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, health, marriage, wife
First man: "I follow the medical profession." Second man: "Are you a doctor?" First man: "No, I'm an undertaker."
Vote: has 51.86 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, doctor, medical, work
Yo' Mama is so fat, when she visits the doctor, they need a forklift to get her on the examining table.
Vote: has 51.34 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, fat, Yo mama
Why do doctors slap babies' butts right after they're born? To knock the penises off the smart ones.
Vote: has 50.45 % from 9 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, men
A blonde walks into a doctor’s office and says, “Doc, I’m horribly sick!” The doctor looks at her and asks, “Flu?” “No, I drove here.”
Vote: has 50.29 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, doctor
A 90 year old women goes to the doctor. Dr i can't stop farting, sure they don't smell and make no noise but still i can't take it any more. Well take these pills every day and come back in a week. Dr what did you do to me not only am i still farting now they smell as well! Oh very well , now about your hearing...
Vote: has 49.61 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, doctor, drug, old people