The best doctor jokes

A woman went to the doctor's and complained of being really sore. "Do you have any idea why?" "Well, I had sex with an elephant!" "You did? But elephants are known to have small penises!" "Yeah, but he fingered me first."
Vote: has 56.05 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, doctor, elephant, sex
An elderly retired couple went to a doctor. The man said, "We want to know if we are making love properly. Will you look at us?" "Go ahead," said the doctor. They made love. "You are making love perfectly," the doctor said. "That will be $10." They came back six weeks in a row and did the same thing. On the seventh visit the doctor said, "What are you coming here like this for - I told you that you are making love properly!" "She can't come to my house," said the man, "and I can't go to her house. A motel costs $20. You charge us $10 and we get $8 back from Medicare."
Vote: has 56.05 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, love, money, old people
When Chuck Norris was born, the only person crying was the doctor.
Vote: has 55.57 % from 41 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, doctor
Patient: "I’m in a hospital! Why am I in here?" Doctor: "You’ve had an accident involving a bus." Patient: "What happened?" Doctor: "Well, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?" Patient: "Give me the bad news first." Doctor: "Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them." Patient: "That’s terrible! What’s the good news?" Doctor: "There’s a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your slippers."
Vote: has 55.57 % from 41 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, doctor, hospital
One day a Blonde went the doctor with a burn on her stomach. The doctor gasped and asked what happened. the Blonde told the doctor she put a lighter against her stomach. The doctor asked her why in the world she would do that. the blond said "I was trying to burn calories."
Vote: has 55.34 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, doctor
First man: "I follow the medical profession." Second man: "Are you a doctor?" First man: "No, I'm an undertaker."
Vote: has 55.19 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, doctor, medical, work
Two children are in a doctor’s waiting room, and one of them is crying. "Why are you crying?" asked the other child. "I’m here for a blood test, and they’re going to cut my finger." When he heard this, the other child started to cry. "Why are you crying?" "I’m here for a urine test."
Vote: has 54.97 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, kids
Michael: "What treat do eye doctors give out on Halloween?" Matthew: "I don't know. What?" Michael: "Candy corneas."
Vote: has 54.97 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, disgusting, doctor, Halloween, morbid
Doctor doctor I feel that Im a pack of card. What can I do ? Doctor: I deal with you later.
Vote: has 54.87 % from 7 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, life
A man walks into his doctor's office and whines, "Doc, you've got to help me; I've got a strawberry stuck up my ass." The doctor pulls out his prescription pad and says, "I've got cream for that!"
Vote: has 54.77 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, doctor, food